Never Felt Better

May 2010, all quiet on the cancer front

2010-05-28T23:28:00.002-04:00

Just returned from an appointment with my oncologist. Dr. Herst says everything is AOK as far as he can tell (and he's the expert). Am recovering from a weird viral infection which started on my spring canoe trip in the form of burning blisters on my hands and feet. Hard to portage and lift packs through the muddy wilderness with that, so had to be flown out on day 5 of a 10 day trip. Hands and feet now almost fully healed.

My Twitter posts now on NFB

2009-10-28T17:02:00.001-04:00

You'll notice a new box on the right, which is my Twitter tweets. We'll see if you like it!

Matty in the Pumpkin Patch

2009-10-17T16:37:00.006-04:00

Today was a beautiful fall day. A friend signed us up to visit the pumpkin patch next week. As it turns out, the time conflicts with my riding lesson (yes, horseback! YAY!). So, we took our kids today. Matty had a great time playing in the pumpkins with his friend.
Here are a few of the pictures.

Matty is almost a year old! I can't believe how fast the year has flown by. This time last year we were still waiting to see if this house would be finished on time for us to move in. Wow. I was still working and not yet on maternity leave and friends were helping us pack up the house in Temagami.

Good thing I got over my fear of needles

2009-09-08T11:54:00.002-04:00

Here's the short version of a long story. My immunoglobulin levels are abnormally low. This was the case prior to chemotherapy, and has continued to this day. Whether it predated cancer is unknown. My oncologist basically shrugged his shoulders and said he couldn't do anything about it, talk to my GP. My GP sent me to an immunologist in Toronto, who took some blood (all doctors are vampires, I'm discovering). The immunologist told me I have panhypogammaglobulinemia. Am I ever glad I took a medical terminology course as part of my paramedic diploma. That 24-letter monstrosity means that all of my gammaglobulin levels are low. That immunologist said I would need a therapy called intravenous immunoglobulins, or IVIG. He sent me to another immunologist who apparently provides this treatment. Of course, no doctor is content to believe the blood test results from previous doctors, so this doctor/vampire ordered new blood tests. These tests will not only gauge my current immunoglobulin status, but also the effectiveness of previous vaccines I've received.

One thing I did have confirmed is a statistical link between NHL, celiac disease (I may or may not be celiac, but I do have a gluten sensitivity), and low gamma globulins.

So that's where we're at right now. Going home tonight, finally.

Back home

2009-09-02T10:09:00.002-04:00

Finally, after over 2 weeks on the road, we're home again. First to Maine to visit with Hilary, Peter, Ben and PD. Then to Vermont to visit with a whole pile of Anna's friends. Then New Hampshire. Then St. Catharines to see Sarah Laughton and Sophie, her 2 month old daughter. Then Toronto, and now home again. But we won't rest for long. We're headed back to Toronto for my first IVIG appointment at St. Michael's Hospital. (Don't think I've blogged about this before, but will soon. In short, my body currently produces insufficient quantities of immunoglobulins, so I will soon begin a lifelong supplementation program. Should make me less susceptible to bacterial illnesses and maybe H1N1!) We're staying in S. Ont. for the weekend to visit Mom and Dad. Matty's looking forward to a swim in the pool. Then another appointment in Toronto on Tuesday, and we'll be home again. Then I think we're glueing our asses to North Bay for awhile!

Teething sucks

2009-08-20T11:26:00.002-04:00

I'm glad I don't remember teething. Last Friday Matty spiked a fever, which we sorta controlled with baby acetaminophen. Then it was two full days in the car as we drove first from Temagami (er, Freudian slip) North Bay to Toronto to Rochester, and next to Portland to visit Hilary, Peter and family. Matty wasn't happy with car seat torture, and the 30+ degree weather didn't help. Yesterday he was inconsolable, not eating, not sleeping. But last night something changed, and he slept for 13 hours, with only one minor interruption. Yesterday Anna and I felt like lumps of parental-goo. Today we feel wonderful. Now off to enjoy a lovely Maine day!

New Liskeard Biker's Reunion in July & the North Bay Carousel

2009-08-13T21:26:00.001-04:00

Names on my leg, the starting line, on the road

2009-08-13T20:59:00.004-04:00

A mid-summer's afternoon post

2009-08-13T16:19:00.003-04:00

Several have pointed out recently that I have not posted in nearly two months! How time flies! It's been a busy summer since the Ride. Matty is growing more every day. His latest thing is crawling. Grandma and Grandpa were up yesterday. They babysat for an hour while Anna and I did a horse trail ride, then we hung out with them at their campsite at Restoule Provincial Park. Before that there was a canoe trip to the beach at Sandy Inlet with a few other local couples and kids. Before that, two weddings in southern Ontario, a visit from Nana, and a visit from Aunt Eleanor.

Next week, we're leaving for Maine and Vermont to visit Anna's sister's family, for two weeks. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to September, which should be a little quieter.

I'll try to get some photos up tonight.

Finally, a fundraising update: total for 2009 RTCC is $8310. I registered for the 2010 Ride, and have already raised $525 (but that's mostly uncashed cheques from 2009. I have some new fundraising ideas for next year, which do not involve pestering friends and family.

$8,110 raised!

2009-06-17T14:48:00.010-04:00

Bob raised over $8,000 - hundreds of dollars ,more than his goal. WAY TO GO SWEETIE!
Bob did a quick turn around and is off on another adventure. He will post more when he returns.
Thank you all who donated! There were 3,550 riders and they raised over $14.5 million! HOORAY!

Waiting for Daddy at the finish line!

7 Days To Go!

2009-06-05T16:44:00.001-04:00

Fundraising has been fantastic in the last few days, with over $1000 coming in! I still have over $1600 to go to reach my goal of $7500. Honestly, a few months back I didn't think I would reach that goal. Now, with your help, I know we'll pass it!

I'll be training hard this weekend, with back-to-back long rides (including one day of about 150 km). Next week I'll be taking it easy, with just a few short rides to stay in the game.

Some friends have asked for a "vegan" fundraising option. This is because money donated for research purposes may incorporate animal trials. I absolutely respect this. Anyone interested, please email me.

I'll also be writing names on my hand in honour of those fighting cancer and in memory of those who lost the battle. If you would like me to write someone's name on my hand, please let me know. I already have 27 names.

If anyone will be in the area next weekend, I'd love to see you at a cheering station or the finish line. Contact me for more info!

Ride on!

Nugget Article

2009-05-25T11:25:00.004-04:00

Fellow North Bay riders Steve, Dave, Jeff, and Greg were interviewed by the local paper. The article, from the May 25 edition, is below.

Check out this post

2009-05-21T22:06:00.001-04:00

Don Wright of A Brand New Day blogged a little about my fundraiser. Check it out.

A few recent camera-phone pics

2009-05-20T13:30:00.007-04:00

I'm off to the wilds for a week to teach a wilderness first responder course (and the doctor's tomorrow), so I thought I'd get these pictures up. I'm supposed to be packing and tire shopping though!

1. The three of us out for a BBQ at our friends Amy & Andrew & Soren's.

2. Canada's "Cancer Nurse" Renee Caisse (inventor of Essiac) is memorialized in her hometown of Bracebridge. We were there recently for Anna's work.

3. Anna and Matty at the Sudbury Cancer Centre after getting our good news last month!

4. Matty checking out the surroundings while we shopped for a new car seat.

5-6. Baby Days at Mall-Wart.

Enough with the doctors!

2009-05-19T11:38:00.005-04:00

Got a phone call from my family physician's office last week. A locum doctor was in, looked at my blood work results from April, and wanted to follow up. I said that I had followed up, with my oncologist. But she says she still wants to see me. I don't like it when doctors call me up out of the blue saying they want to see me. I see her on Thursday.

New bike!

2009-05-11T18:32:00.005-04:00

Last Wednesday I picked up a Kona Zing from Kevin at Cycle Works (he doesn't have a webpage, or else I'd link it here). Lisa said I should have it fitted before laying down the cash. Well, I had David the bike-fitting physiotherapist give me a fitting on Thursday, which all went well. Then I rode it back to Cycle Works, asked Kevin if he liked my new bike, and paid him for it. He seemed pained to give it to me at the price he was, but he knows about my Ride to Conquer Cancer. He's not given me a "tax deductible donation" per se, but he's done everything else. So I want to take this opportunity to thank Kevin and Kyle for their help outfitting me on my ride. They've helped with all my bikes, and all my cycling needs since I moved to North Bay. I should just call him my official bike shop.

After laying down my Visa card to Kevin, I took the Zing off for a long ride, down the Kate Pace Way to Callander, then out 94 to Corbeil and Trout Lake, then back to North Bay. Forty kilometers. My butt was numb, as well as my fingers and toes from time to time. Might need to tweek the bike fit. And put in more saddle time. But I figure that two hours for 40 km is acceptable two months ahead of a 200 km ride. Will try to get some action shots with the new bike posted soon.

All's good

2009-04-29T20:29:00.003-04:00

Phew!

Blood work normal, CT scan unremarkable. Exactly what we wanted to hear. There is still some outstanding bloodwork, which should be in Friday, but we're feeling so much relief. Thanks for all your kind thoughts!

By the way, since March when I started fundraising in earnest, I've raised about $2000 for the Ride to Conquer Cancer. Six weeks to go until the Ride, and I'm still about $5000 short. Can you help make up the difference? Just click here to make a secure online donation, or here to download a mail-in form!

Big day tomorrow

2009-04-28T20:29:00.003-04:00

Kinda like Christmas, but this time there might really be a lump of coal at the bottom of my stocking. Or nothing. Sometimes nothing is the most wonderful gift.

Keep your fingers crossed for all three of us tomorrow. We're headed to the Cancer Centre in Sudbury to get the results from my last two blood tests and a CT scan. I don't mind going there every 6 months, but every 3 weeks, not so much. We were up in New Liskeard last night, and I popped into the hospital there to say hi to my chemo-nurse, Lynn. She reassured me by saying that, "They're keeping a close eye on you. Anything that's the slightest bit out of the ordinary, they're going to check out. Not everyone get's that kind of service!" Here's hoping that my liver enzymes were high because I'd popped too many Vitamin C pills, or had a bit too much vino the night before the last blood test.

I'm not feeling worried or stressed, but that doesn't mean anything. Anna's worried. Wouldn't you be?

I've been strictly no-booze, no-coffee for the last 3 weeks, to give the old liver a rest. (Tried to do no caffeine, but there is a little bit in green tea and in dark chocolate too.) I think I've started to lose weight as a result, down from 160 lbs. to maybe 157.

Training for the Ride to Conquer Cancer goes well. I went out for a nice 20 km ride this afternoon, up the North Bay escarpment, down some country roads, and zooming down the hill home. The fundraising goes well too, I'm at $2170 of $7500, but that doesn't include some mail-in donations and some "pledges." If you haven't given yet, or if you have said you're going to but haven't got around to it, now would be a great time! Just click here to donate online, or here to download a form you can mail in.

Anna and I have a hot date tonight, as long as Matty stays asleep, so I shouldn't blog for long. Just keep your fingers crossed, and I'll spread the word here tomorrow evening.

Oh, that's a photo of Lynn, Anna, Matty and I taken in March. It was the first time I'd been back to see Lynn since my last chemo in April '08, and the first time she'd met Matty! Sorry that it's a bit blurry.

More tests. Bleah

2009-04-19T22:16:00.002-04:00

My life is a dichotomy. Outwardly (and mostly inwardly) I'm happy. I feel great. I have the most wonderful son and the most wonderful wife. I'm doing things I've always wanted to do. I love my job. I love riding my bike. (I've crossed the $2000 line in my fundraising for the Ride to Conquer Cancer?!)

But on the other side is this nagging two week wait between when Dr. Herst told me I have elevated liver enzymes and when I find out what it all means. At least when I first got my diagnosis it was very sudden. I honestly had not been expecting to hear that I have cancer. But this waiting.... I honestly don't know what to expect. I feel great, but I felt great the day I got my original diagnosis too.

This week I've had another CT scan. Next week it's more blood tests. Then the day after I go see Dr. Herst. He'll either tell me that the cancer has spread or that the elevated enzymes are due to some other factor. I've got so much weird shit going on that I'd make a fascinating case study for House. Cancer. Possibly celiac. Possibly a primary immuno-deficiency disorder. Yet outwardly I look strong and healthy, in the prime of my life. Who can understand it?

Shopping for insurance

2009-04-13T20:58:00.005-04:00

Who would want to sell life insurance to a guy who had cancer only last year? We'll soon see.

Anna and I are being responsible parents and "putting our affairs in order." This includes writing a will (well, paying a lawyer to insert our names in the blank spots of one of his wills). It also includes life insurance. Nothing spectacular, just pay off the debts should one of us kick the bucket. We've spoken with a few insurance brokers, and been quite open about the whole cancer thing. I wonder if they Google their prospective clients? I sure would! Guess I can't hide!

Fundraising for the Ride to Conquer Cancer goes well. I'm about 20% toward my goal of $7500, with still quite a few fundraising avenues to explore. If you're reading this and you haven't made a donation yet... what are you waiting for?

Some of you are wondering about what happened at the oncologist's last week. My liver enzymes are high. This could mean, as Anna says, anything from "yikes!" to "meh." I have the honour of an abdo CT scan Thursday and more blood tests next week. Seen as toxins of various types might be making my liver work overtime, I'm on a serious detox diet for the next two weeks. In keeping with my previous discussion on how to rid the body of toxins, my detox diet involves little more than cutting out the red wine and coffee, completely cutting out whatever sugar and junk was still there, and upping the organic vegetable quotient. I discovered that I'm addicted to coffee, with withdrawal headaches and all.

Despite all this, it's hard to stay upbeat. It's hard to be nice, to myself, to Anna. (It's always easy to be nice to Matty though.) I haven't had any of those dreams lately, but I do find myself grinding my teeth, which my dentist says is a sure sign of stress. 'Ya think?!

On the positive side, I feel great. I've been getting some olympic weightlifting training from a highly accomplished local lifter. What a difference, to be getting some professional pointers on my snatches and cleans. He wants me to compete at a tournament in Toronto this July. Might be fun!

He's growing so fast!

2009-04-05T22:36:00.010-04:00

Matty is around 17 pounds already! He is very active and talkative. He loves to laugh (a lot), have splashy baths, read books (and turn the pages!), play with toys and kick his feet.

He is strong and last week he really started trying to sit up. His latest thing is to go from lying down to standing when we give him our fingers to pull up to sitting. He is pretty good with his balance, but soft surfaces or our arms are required when he tries to sit! He is also quite the conversationalist, as you can see from the video below.

Parenting this little guy is such a wonderful thing. He brings so very much joy to our lives!

Here are some recent photos:

Going for a walk on a sunny, but still chilly day

Matty in his new wool pants made from a sweater - wool works great as a cloth diaper cover! It is much less bulky on his butt to have cloth diaper and wool pants than cloth diaper, waterproof cover and THEN pants!

Supervising Daddy's physio exercises

Enjoying Dr Seuss

Stroller-joring?

Mmmmmmmm.... fingers....

Talking in his swing

How to rid your body of toxins (the old fashioned way)

2009-03-14T04:16:00.006-04:00

I've talked in a few posts about toxins and how I believe they are a key component in why I got cancer. I think of it as a three-legged stool, with environmental toxins, poor diet and lifestyle, and genetics all contributing.

There are no quick fixes. It takes decades for cancer or other chronic diseases to take hold. It takes years, at a minimum, to detoxify. This can seem daunting, like you need to do everything perfect forevermore. But Rome wasn't built in a day.

Where do you start detoxifying? Add one new good practice to your roster. Once that good practice becomes habit, add another. Don't try to change everything suddenly. They're like collecting pebbles on a beach. You don't start your walk with all the pebbles collected. You collect them as you go.

Here's what I do to shed the toxins. Some are big things, which take dedication and practice, and others are easy to add to your daily routine.

1. Meditate. Mental toxins are just as damaging as the pesticides in your salad (perhaps more so). Meditation helps remove mental toxins. There are many kinds of meditation. Some are religious, but the what I practice is non-denominational. Find a quiet and comfortable place to sit. (You don't have to cross your legs like a yoga-master!) Close your eyes and focus on your breath. Feel it come in and go out. When thoughts comes along, which they do, observe them. Usually they go away, then you can go back to focusing on your breath. Do this for about 10 minutes, ideally every day.

2. Exercise. The important thing here is that it be something you like so that you will stick with it. I do CrossFit because it is interesting, challenging, and free. The other important thing is that exercise make you sweat. Sweating removes toxins.

3. Apple cider vinegar. Pour a splash of ACV in a glass and fill with filtered water. Do this morning and night. You can almost feel it sucking the toxins out. Make sure that the ACV you buy is raw and contains the "mother" or the cloudy vinegar starter. Oh yeah, filtering your water removes toxins.

4. Eat well. Good nutrition does two things. First, it gives you the nutrients you need to be healthy. Second, it displaces junk food. This isn't difficult stuff. If you want to detoxify, start by stopping the toxins coming in.

5. Sauna. Remember what I said about exercise that makes you sweat? Sweating in a sauna helps, and it's great fun too. Ask any firefighter who gets all sooty after a good fire. You can smell the junk seeping out of your pores for days afterward, and a sauna is one of the best ways to accelerate that process. But you don't need to be a firefighter to benefit from the sauna. It doesn't have to be terribly hot, just make sure you stay in long enough to get a good sweat going. I like to extend my saunas with cold showers (or jumps in the lake), up to an hour or more.

6. Sleep. At least 8 hours a night. I prefer 9 or more, but that's hard with a baby in the house. Your body removes toxins during sleep. Imagine if you did everything else perfectly, but you didn't sleep! You'd still be completely toxic!

7. Be nice. To others and to yourself. Being mean is being toxic.

8. Forgive yourself. No one is perfect. Don't beat yourself up for things you did in the past. Resolve to do your best in the future.

9. Avoid sick people. They will make you sick, and you can't shed toxins while you're fighting a bug.

Can I find any more cliches? The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Life is a journey, not a destination.

If you're not doing the basics (eat well, sleep well, exercise well), then you will not be ridding your body of toxins. All the other things will be of no use if you haven't got the basics down. Build the walls and roof on the foundation. You can build great walls and a great roof, but if you put them directly on the ground, your house will rot and fall as surely as if you built it with shoddy materials and workmanship.

How to avoid pesticides in produce

2009-03-08T20:58:00.011-04:00

We've all heard about the connections between pesticides in our food and cancer. Now I don't blame pesticides for what happened to me, but I do believe it was a contributing factor. With that in mind, I found the Shoppers' Guide to Pesticides in Produce from the Environmental Working Group. It ranks 43 fruits and vegetables for their residual pesticides. For instance, Anna has been very adamant about buying organic onions, but it turns out they have a very low residual pesticide level! We should have paid more attention to apples and lettuce!

Anna and I try to avoid pesticides by buying organic, local and free range. We could do a lot more, but some of our produce is organic and much of our meat is free-range, grass-fed, and hormone/antibiotic-free. (Check out our beef source at Golden Beef and our local farm at Dalew Farms.) And when we get back to Temagami this summer, I'm sure I'll get digging in the garden there again!

The photo above is last summer's garden in Temagami.

While we're talking about pocket guides, here's another one you should have. It's the Sustainable Seafood Guide from the Monterey Bay Aquarium. It lists best choices and seafood to avoid, based on contaminant loads and the sustainability of the fishery.

On another note, Patricia asked about a colon cleanse. I have never done one. Having seen the inside of a number of colons during my surgical rotations as a paramedic student, I believe the notion that we store up a bunch of gunk in there that needs to be flushed out is, well, bunk. Colon cleanses even made the Mark's Daily Apple Top Ten Health Scams. Here's some more info I found, from drmirkin.com: colon cleansers can rob you of essential nutrients. With gluten and lactose intolerance already robbing me of the nutrients I need to fight cancer, I don't need something else sucking them away! Thanks for the question though!

Mom, how was the coconut-beet soup?

Coconut beet paleo recipes

2009-03-02T13:38:00.010-05:00

I'm going to try to post here a bit more often. After I finished chemo the post count dropped like my platelet count after chemo. Why? Because blogging made me feel like I was still sick. Despite the front I kept up, when I was on chemo I felt like shit. Blogging made me feel like I was still on chemo, so I didn't want to do it. I don't feel that way anymore, so I'm back.

Cancer and chemo changed me for the better. Most obvious to me and everyone else is a new attitude toward food. Before I put something in my mouth (or in the shopping cart), I ask myself, "Is this going to nourish me?" Usually that means 'nourish my body,' but sometimes it means 'nourish my soul.' They're not always one in the same.

With that in mind, I'm going to share some of my favourite online recipes. Often, when dinnertime rolls around, I look in the fridge and see what we've got. Then I enter those things in Google, plus the words 'PALEO RECIPES,' and see what pops up. The results can be surprising, tasty, and always interesting. Try it sometime, it's fun!

One of my best finds used the words COCONUT and BEET, believe it or not - Coconut beet borscht from Catalyst Athletics. Robb Wolf's page is a great source for meal ideas (check out some of the others on the left, like this one for a brussels sprout and bacon stir fry).

Time to get a move on!

2009-02-17T13:47:00.007-05:00

February is here, which means it's time for me to get serious about fundraising for the Ride to Conquer Cancer.
I've got some great ideas, which mostly involve networking at the Fire Department, on Facebook, and in my email address folder. If you've got an idea, drop me a line or leave a comment here.

Health wise, I'd rate me at 8/10. My level of fatigue has crept higher, but thankfully I've been able to match that with a good 8 to 10 hours of sleep a night. My immune system still isn't up to snuff, so I have to make sure I wash my hands a lot. I'm still getting over a cold I caught two weeks ago. Hopefully I'll get back in the gym tomorrow with a short workout, something to get the blood flowing and pump out the toxins.

Thanks for checking in!

3 months old!!!

2009-02-09T16:31:00.004-05:00

I'm 3 months old today!!

WOW - time flies!
People have been asking for new pictures so here are a bunch!
Matty is 24" long and 14.5 pounds. Just getting over the croup, he is in a pretty good mood. Bob and I are also recovering (mostly) from our own colds - ugh.
These pictures are from the last 2 weeks.

Hanging out with Nana

Training to be a superhero

Mini Me

First sleep induced by my own thumb!!

So bright here in January!!

August will never be the same again

2009-01-30T17:53:00.002-05:00

We still have a few firefighter calendars left over, and are letting them go at the deeply discounted rate of $10 each. If you want one, let me know and I will get it to you. All proceeds to One Kids Place, a childrens' treatment centre in North Bay.

This one's for you, Patricia!

2009-01-20T18:28:00.003-05:00

This from yesterday's workout: deadlifts 5-5-5-3-3-3 (225 lbs.-295-325-335-340-345)

Lingering effects

2009-01-16T09:15:00.002-05:00

Patricia from Nashville wants to know if I'm having any lingering effects from my treatments. Certainly, cancer changed me, so let's consider some of the results:

Specific to chemotherapy, I cannot think of any lingering effects offhand. Patricia speaks of bone pain and a host of other issues that were not there before. However, I do have some annoying muskuloskeletal issues on my right side. After the lump was removed from above my right collarbone, I spent quite awhile recovering, then quite awhile in chemo. This had the effect of creating some scar tissue in the supraclavicular area, as well as some muscular atrophy in my right shoulder and arm. I've been working with a physiotherapist and chiropractor on these issues, and some days it seems the more I do my exercises, the worse the problems become. Mostly this manifests itself as muscular soreness and immobility. Last week my neck seized up. It's still sore. And then my right elbow seized up, while at work, not a good thing for a firefighter. (That was the night I dreamed it was flesh-eating disease and I required amputation. Who ever heard of a one-armed firefighter? So my dream was preoccupied with figuring out a new occupation. I decided on being a one-armed dad and a one-armed wilderness first aid instructor!)

Mentally, emotionally, cancer weighs on me still, in my dreams especially. That's the hard part about remission. What if it comes back? Is that a lump? I'm not ready to go. When my time comes, can I die with dignity?

There are some positive lingering effects. I eat better. I live better. I love Anna more. I appreciate every day more. And the most wonderful lingering effect of all? Just take a look at the pictures in the previous post. Matty is here BECAUSE of my cancer. Before I even started chemotherapy, the first thing I did was bank sperm, and Matthew is the result of subesquent fertility treatments.

Patricia, you're in my thoughts and prayers and meditations. I don't think your name ever made it onto my hand in a workout. I will rectify that tomorrow.

Our growing little boy!

2009-01-15T12:12:00.005-05:00

Our sweet baby boy is a dream come true, as you know!
Here are some updated photos of our little love. He is getting to be a big boy!
In the past 2 weeks he has really started to smile at us and we are having a good time with silly games and faces.
He does love having a bath...

And has started to interact with some toys (though his favourite toys are mommy and daddy!). Here he is talking to his "Whoozit".

It is such an amazing thing to watch him grow and learn. My heart just keeps expanding with love for this little being.
Here he is hanging out in his relatively new fancy cloth diaper cover.

And me "wearing" him in the Moby D wrap (which Bob usually does)

Battling Demons

2009-01-13T20:18:00.004-05:00

I just returned from a sauna at the YMCA. Nice thing, living in the city, to have easy access to a sauna. I like to meditate in the sauna. Once I read about the Dalai Lama's daily meditation practice. During meditation, he goes to other worlds and does battle with the demons that are trying to tear this world apart. Whether you believe it or not is irrelevant; he believes. Heavy stuff. Anyway, in the sauna tonight I encountered some of my own demons. At first I thought whoever was bringing me these bad dreams was a demon. (A few nights ago, in my dreams, I found a lump in my neck. Then last night I dreamed that I got flesh-eating disease and had to have my right arm amputated.) But then I thought that perhaps these dreams are a good thing, reminders of what could happen and not necessarily what will happen. So I focused instead on the positive: healthy immune system, able to recognize good from bad; strong, healthy, balanced and flexible musculoskeletal system; healthy lymphatic system, removing toxins from my body.

And now it's time for bed, and hopefully some good dreams.

Simple Plan

2009-01-03T10:21:00.003-05:00

The Bad Dream returned last night. (No, not the one where I'm chased by a giant.) In it, my cancer is back and I have only months to live. At least, I dream, now I can leave my wife with a son. Upon awaking, I realize it was "just a dream" as if such horror could be there and then be gone. I turn on the TV, something I almost never do in the morning. Someone has left it on Much Music, a channel I almost never watch. But there's a catchy tune playing. When the tube warms up, I see faces, names, each with a date and those beautiful words: Cancer Survivor. I start to cry.

Simple Plan is a Montreal band with a new single out called Save You. The song was written for the vocalist's brother, who was diagnosed with NHL and underwent two years of chemotherapy. (Six months was enough for me!) Proceeds from the song are donated to various cancer charities through the Simple Plan Foundation. I'm hoping they'll spare me some change for the Ride to Conquer Cancer. (Note to self: get going on fundraising!)

You can watch the video on their website, and you can download the song there or on iTunes.

Family Christmas

2008-12-23T19:18:00.001-05:00

Quick updates

2008-12-17T17:23:00.000-05:00

Well, we have been a bit too busy to post much!
Sorry for not keeping up - we have lots of pictures. I even started a post a while ago, but didn't finish it and I think it has disappeared. Here are a couple pics.
Will try to update more thoroughly soon!

Matty hanging out with Daddy

Matty with Me

Matthew Gerald Forest Olajos!

2008-11-19T10:59:00.006-05:00

Our sweet darling boy has a name!
"Matty" as a name came to us his second day here. It took us a few more days to decide that Matthew would be his full name.
Gerald, named for "mon oncle" who is a truly special person in both of our lives.
Forest comes from my great grandmothers side of the family - initially Forester before they came across the pond.

Matthew is a lovely baby and we are so blessed to have him!

Birth Story:
We arrived at the hospital Monday morning (Nov 10) for our scheduled cesarean delivery because baby was still breech. Mom, Bob and I met our midwife, Leslie there and were checked into our room. The nurses hooked me up to IV and went over the procedures. This prep time also included unbraiding my blessing braid and giving my labour beads to Bob for his pockets so they could be with me at the birth. Thanks all for your support!

Bob and I right before going to the OR.

At the OR there were a few delays sorting out the cord blood collection and our request to have the baby on my skin in the OR before going to the nursery. My recovery nurse (Allison) helped us talk about all these things and made it possible for us to have baby back in my room where I would recover from OR as soon as possible - something we wanted but didn't think could happen.
Once all of this was sorted out I was wheeled into the OR and given the spinal. I was pretty nervous about this. Luckily it went fine, and as promised, the local freezing hurt more than the spinal!

I was prepped and draped and in came Bob and Leslie. Bob was great at staying with me and explaining things, keeping me focused on our baby and how excited we were. There was one very nervous moment for me as I felt awful and Bob was right on it with the anesthetist - my blood pressure was down and they brought it back up to normal.

It was taking quite a while because Matty was breech and was VERY stuck. Leslie said that it took more than the usual work to get baby out! Bob got to peek twice and saw our little one emerging... "It's a boy!" I think we were both teary at this point. Baby was crying his heart out as they did the initial assessments. All was well! They wrapped him up and laid him on my chest so Bob and I could look at him and talk to him and hold him. What a miracle!

Then Bob and Matty went off to the nursery while I got stitched up. I was very glad that Leslie got to stay with me. I don't really remember being wheeled back up to my room, I just wanted to see my baby! Bob got to do some skin on skin time to warm baby up (much more effective for baby and great for connection with dad!) in the nursery.

It took a little while, which I learned later was because he was having some trouble with his wet lungs and they gave him some time under a heat lamp with pulse oximetry monitoring in the nursery. Babies that aren't squeezed through the birth canal can have some mucous and/or wet lung issues. Nothing major, but it delayed them coming back to my room. Finally, Bob and Matty arrived! I was still frozen (spinal froze from my toes to my collar bones!!) but recovering well.

We stayed in the hospital until Friday. We could have left Wed, but I was having trouble with pain. Go figure! Major abdominal surgery is not fun!
I am still not up and about as much as I would like to be. I guess it is a 6 week recovery for a reason.

Bob and I are having a great time with Matthew bonding as a family.

Anna, Bob and Matthew

Baby boy Olajos

2008-11-11T12:11:00.002-05:00

Still no name.
Born Nov. 10, 2008, 2:14 pm
7 lbs. 11 oz.
Mom and baby doing well.

Its Ours!!

2008-11-02T08:02:00.005-05:00

We took possession of the house Oct 31. Hard to believe that it is done and ours! It is amazing watching a house go from paper drawings to an actual home!
I brought the first load down from Temagami (thanks for packing the car Carolyn!)to make our move official. We have the basic kitchen set up and some of the baby things in the baby's room.
Bob's mom Jean is coming up Sunday with some things and we will be madly packing the rest of the house. Monday is big move day - thanks to all he folks coming to help out!

Here are some pictures.

We are hoping to be actually moved in and living there by the middle of the week!

New House Pictures

2008-10-17T16:47:00.004-04:00

Things are still moving along well and we are still planning on being in the new house Oct 31!

Which is a good thing, since I started to have regular contractions on the full moon! They were Braxton Hicks contractions (not the real thing) but they were regular for a bit and 5 minutes apart! Baby needs to go back to head down though! Flipping to breech at this point was quite the unwelcome surprise!

Here are some interior shots. The flooring is in and the kitchen should be by Monday!

The house is still going to be ready on time - WOW!
Stay tuned for more house updates!

WOW - Its coming up fast!!!

2008-10-09T11:27:00.001-04:00

Things are coming along!

2008-10-05T15:28:00.003-04:00

Sorry it has been a while! Growing a baby and building a house at the same time is pretty busy!
Bob and I are trying to keep life calm and uneventful (ha ha - you know what we mean though!)

You can't see a lot of what is going on inside the house, but changes are happening! This is a picture from a few weeks ago. The house now has mudded drywall, siding on the sides and back, stucco coming soon for the front, the first coat of paint is on inside and the flooring is in boxes inside. Flooring gets installed next, then the kitchen! The actual stairs are in and the banister posts are clamped into position. We have purchased all the light fixtures for upstairs, which they say they will need in about a week.
I can't wait to see what the floors look like!
Baby is also still growing, I am bigger than this now, and will post more shots soon.

NDP Videos

2008-10-01T20:16:00.000-04:00

This widget requires the Flash plugin version 8.

Shingles

2008-09-03T11:15:00.005-04:00

Shingles on the house:

Shingles on my back:

We're moving to North Bay

2008-08-14T21:23:00.008-04:00

In November. In case you didn't know. In case we didn't have enough things on our plate.

The good news is that Critical Illness Insurance paid off our Temagami house. Soon it will be called 'the cottage'. That frees up a few hundred dollars a month to put toward our North Bay mortgage. Maybe even leverage some equity out of it for a down payment.

Here's some photos of what we're building, so far.

Hi Sarah!

2008-07-24T15:01:00.004-04:00

We'll, you've drawn me back out of blog-hibernation. Here's a little update for you and for anyone else that is still out there listening.

Anna is doing well. She's 21 weeks pregnant now. Morning sickness is past and she's getting kicked and punched a lot. I've felt Fuzzy kick twice. Yes, we call our baby 'Fuzzy.'

I'm busy with work, and meetings, and an online course. In amongst all that I'm trying to get out for a canoe trip next week. This afternoon, after I get off the computer, I'll head up into the garden and plant some things. The Temagami grocery store was giving away unsold tomato and basil and other plants earlier today.

My sister Lisa was up for a visit. She just left. Was nice seeing her, but too short of a visit.

Of course, Anna and I are moving to North Bay in October. I suppose we haven't mentioned that here. Yes, we're building a house. What made us decide to do that? Price of gas, time commuting, lack of childcare in Temagami, more employment options for Anna.... We're keeping the house in Temagami (to be called 'the cottage'). The new place will be a bungalow, ~1300 sf, walking distance to groceries, work, downtown, park. I'm really looking forward to this, but leaving Temagami will be hard. We love the sense of community here.

I'll put up some photos of Anna (especially her belly!) and the house (aka the hole in the ground) real soon.

I still plan on writing a finale post that will wrap up a lot of my cancer experience (thus far). I'd like to re-read the blog to remind myself of what I went through. Only a few months ago, but chemotherapy seems like ages back.

Oh, and the North Bay Firefighters' Calendar was released yesterday. Again, if you want one and haven't let me know yet, leave a comment here or email me. We might be having a webpage set up where you can order online, but I'll let you know. See here for an article from baytoday.ca. (That's my back in the middle of the poster on the firetruck.)

Your genes are not your destiny

2008-06-23T07:31:00.003-04:00

I thought I'd send out this post from Mark's Daily Apple. It's about a study of early prostate cancer patients who, "on personal grounds unrelated to the study," decided to forgo conventional treatment. The study saw them improve their diet, exercise, and practice stress-reduction (yoga, meditation, visualization). After a period of time, their 'disease-fighting' genes showed an increase in activity, while the 'disease' genes showed a decrease.

I think I've mentioned it a few times before in this blog. You can do a lot for yourself just by eating well, moving around, and chilling out! (Not to neglect the rather important role of chemotherapy in my case.)

2850 riders, $14 million dollars for cancer research

2008-06-22T18:18:00.009-04:00

Here's the Saturday night update on the Ride.

Jim, the boys and I saw Lisa and Jodie off at 7:30 this morning. Around 12:30, we all met up again at the finish line in Niagara Falls, including Mom and Sheila and Rick (Jodie's mom and step-father). We were well positioned to see Lisa cross the finish line about an hour later, with Jodie only a few minutes behind.

For me, the best part of the weekend was seeing cancer survivors cross the finish line. Survivors were identified by a yellow flag flying behind their bike. Each time one went by I got a little choked up. The other best part was seeing the bike storage area Saturday night, with all the yellow flags poking up amongst a sea of bikes.

By the way, I should mention that I registered for the 2009 Ride to Conquer Cancer. I have to pick a fundraising goal. I'm thinking, maybe $10,000.

Here's a few photos from late Saturday and Sunday.

Lisa at the Saturday finish line.

Sam showing his colours.

Jodie (blue) and Lisa (yellow) at the Sunday start line.

And they're off!

Mom, Lisa and me at the finish line.

Me, Jodie, Jamie and Sam at the finish line.

Riders head the last few yards to the finish line.

On the Ride

2008-06-21T10:52:00.006-04:00

Lisa's on the Ride right now (10:40 am). She just called to say she'd left the lunch spot, which she thinks is half way. Yves and I saw her off at 8. There was no sign of Jodie, just a sea of yellow jerseys. Yves and I then headed off for breakfast at a Smitty's in Mississauga. After a quick bite to eat, we went to the first cheering station on Erin Mills Parkway. We were there for no more than 2 minutes when Lisa rode along. Considering she started off literally at the back of the pack, she had made great time, passing a lot of folks. But she said it was just starting to clear out at that point. That was about an hour ago now.

I'll throw down a few pics, then I have to run off to the finish line. At the rate things are going, I may or may not beat Lisa there. We assume that Jodie is somewhere far ahead.

Blogging from Ride Central

2008-06-20T19:25:00.004-04:00

Lisa with her Ride to Conquer Cancer jersey.

Tomorrow is the big Ride to Conquer Cancer! Lisa and Jodie have raised $6732, over $1000 past their goal! I'm staying Friday night with Lisa and Yves at their house in Toronto, ready to go out for Thai dinner. Lisa's just returned from dropping her bike off at the CNE. I'll be blogging through the weekend with updates from the Ride, including photos from the public cheering locations both Saturday and Sunday. The ride starts tomorrow morning at 7 am, and finishes at Mohawk College in Hamilton, then picks up again at 7 am Sunday, finishing in Niagara Falls.

This weekend will be the big finale for Never Felt Better. I hope you've enjoyed the 'ride' (more than me!) and thank you so much for your support! Keep checking in throughout the weekend for updates from the Ride course.

Bug bitten and loving it

2008-06-13T12:08:00.003-04:00

Nikita and I just returned from a two day canoe trip into Sunrise and Blueberry Lakes. I had planned on being out for four days, but the bugs were horrible, rain was coming, and I'd accomplished what I'd set out to, so we paddled back home last night. On Wednesday Anna dropped us off at noon on Cassels Lake. We headed into Sunrise Lake. Sunrise used to be in the middle of a huge old growth white pine forest, but it was intensively logged in the 1970's. Now there's a remnant ring of huge pines hugging the shoreline.

My task was to find and reopen the portage from Sunrise to Tucker Lake. At Tucker I would meet up with a portage reopened two weeks ago by my friends Neil and Murph. With the two portages reopened, it will be possible to travel from Sunrise to Blueberry Lake. Thanks to my friend Mike at Ancient Forest Exploration and Research, Blueberry is famous for its hiking trails through old growth pines (the loggers never made it that far), but in the past was a dead-end trip. Now it will form part of a loop, hopefully making it more popular.

The portage landing was easy enough to find (even had a lost water bottle from Camp Kilcoo). But the trail quickly petered out, indicating to me that people have been trying to use this route but could not find the trail. The portage does show up in Hap Wilson's book Canoeing, Kayaking and Hiking Temagami.

Woefully short on flagging tape, Nikita and I started off. The first part of the trail was easy to follow, as it tracks up between two steep hills. Once over the saddle the trail was more difficult to find. Flagging the whole route was a matter of following old blazes, finding patches of the original footpath, and using intuition to connect the dots.

I work at a pace of about 100 m/hour, so after a few hours of work on Wednesday, we camped on Sunrise. After dinner (steak and red wine) we paddled around the whole lake to escape the bugs.

Thursday dawned sunny, and after a few more bug-bitten hours, Nikita and I were through and on Tucker Lake. We lingered on Tucker, thankful for a breeze to keep the mozzies at bay. Neil and Murph's portage to Blueberry was easy to find, but it was obvious that they had done a tremendous amount of work to push a trail through. They used a similar technique, using axe blazes and bits of footpath to recreate the original trail through thick, thick bush. Unfortunately, they did not have a saw, so had to leave quite a few 4-6 inch diameter trees in the middle of the trail. That makes portaging a canoe extremely difficult. After getting my canoe to Blueberry (often sideways to squeeze between the spruces), I spent another two hours just sawing out trees with my little handsaw. It was backbreaking labour.

Now Nikita and I were on Blueberry Lake, bloodied and beat, but triumphant. To my knowledge, that was the first traverse of this route since the 1970's, just after the Dept. of Lands and Forests stopped maintaining portages and campsites. It was 6 pm and we could have stayed out another night, but the bugs and the gathering storm clouds convinced me to head for home. We portaged back to Cassels Lake. I ate dinner while drifting across Cassels, a light east wind at my back. Never had red wine and smoked mussels tasted so good.

Now I would never advocate drinking and boating, but I downed a half-litre of merlot and lazily paddled the 10 km back to Temagami in the gathering dusk. If I ever develop Alzheimer's disease, just sit me down in front of a TV playing an endless loop of Temagami shoreline passing by at paddling speed.

What's the point of this long, rambling post?

After my winter-from-hell, there's nothing better than getting out in the bush, getting my hands dirty on some much needed portage maintenance, and spending some quality time with my doggie.

I've put a few photos from the trip here.

A few recent workouts

2008-06-05T17:29:00.002-04:00

Just because the photo shoot is over doesn't mean I'm stopping the healthy living. Went for a sauna today (the first in awhile) in New Liskeard, and did this workout this afternoon:

Run 10 km 58:32

That's the first time I've done that specific workout for time, so now I have a benchmark the next time I do it.

Other recent workouts include:

June 4 - 10x 135# Squat cleans and 50 situps, then 8/40 6/30 4/20 2/10 (10:22)

June 1 - 5 rounds for time of 25x 40# dumbbell swings, 25x 45# good mornings, 25 knees-to-elbows (29:29)

May 31 - 10x 135# thrusters and 50 double unders (aka double skipping), then 8/40 6/30 4/20 2/10 (14:50)

May 30 - 100 pullups (7:05)

I've also been taking some ashtanga yoga classes in North Bay. It isn't the same as the hot, sweaty yoga I took in Portland, but I'm still loving it. (I see now that I didn't blog about my Maine yoga experience. While there last month, I dragged my brother-in-law Peter out to a Power Yoga class at a studio run by his brother. He'd never been. The room was about 25 celsius and 60% humidity. The class was 90 minutes long, and by about the 20 minute mark I was sweating buckets, as were the other 49 people in the small room. My naturopath would be proud.)

I think we're going with a back shot

2008-06-05T09:33:00.005-04:00

Photo proofs formerly posted here. I removed them after reflecting that if all 12 firefighters posted their proofs on the web, that would take the wind out of our calendar's sales. Sorry if I disappointed you, but just think of all the fun you'll have when you buy the whole calendar!

Boring, please

2008-06-04T23:12:00.000-04:00

You have probably noticed that I do not post here as often as I used to. This is because I am trying to make my life more boring than it has been recently. Life is not boring when you have cancer and you get your wife pregnant using frozen sperm. Certainly, there's other things going on in our life right now. Those of you close to us know of another major life change that is coming in the near future, which we will post about here when the time is right. But all in all, I'd like life to calm down, thank you very much, and soon. Enough earthquakes!

Today was the photo shoot for the firefighter's calendar. I'm working on posting some of the proofs here, but I want to clear it with the photographer first (you know, copyright). The shoot went well though. It's amazing what you can do with shadows. Makes me look like I have a 6-pack, when in reality I only have a 4-pack, and that's only if you look at just the right angle, in just the right light, when I'm flexing in just the right way. Seriously, if you actually want a calendar, post a comment here or drop me an email and I'll make sure you get one. They should be out in August.

I've been getting back into the CrossFit workouts, as well as attending more yoga classes in North Bay. Also looking forward to my first canoe trip of the year next week. Anna will be away, so I'll have no excuses to not get out!

Jodie and Lisa have surpassed their team fundraising goal of $5700, however Lisa still has $61 to go to meet her personal goal of $2500. We can't let that discrepancy persist, now can we? I'm looking forward to the trip down to Toronto and Niagara Falls in 2 weeks to watch them ride.

Considering that my life is about to get extremely boring (I HOPE!) I want to tell you now that I will probably stop posting here after Lisa and Jodie's Ride to Conquer Cancer.

Our next adventure

2008-05-29T10:28:00.002-04:00

Well, it looks like the appointments I referred to here and here worked.

Back from Obabika

2008-05-21T09:17:00.006-04:00

First of all, let me send out a big Happy Birthday to my Mom!

Honestly, I used to think she was kinda dull, but what teenager doesn't? Actually, I've recently discovered that she has quite the adventuresome side. Today she's driving a rented car across the springtime prairies to Cochrane, Alberta, visiting family and savouring freedom. Have a great day-after-your-birthday, Mom!

Myself, I've recently returned from Obabika Lake. Anna basically kicked me out of the house, saying I'd been cooped up all winter and had to get out. Went out there to visit with Alex Mathias for his own 60th birthday party. First evening was a great party, campfire by the beach, tall stories in Chinchilla Lodge, and Temagami huskies running amok amidst the revelers. Then I headed across the lake to Ranger Point, where Ed, Kim and myself did a big cleanup of an old can and bottle dump. You know it's old when the rusty Iron City beer can has no pulltab, no pop-top, just two holes in the top made with a nail. You can see a few photos on the Friends of Temagami weblog.

Tall stories abound at Chinchilla Lodge

Alex Mathias holds court

Buddy Wasisname concert a great success!

2008-05-13T14:13:00.005-04:00

Anna and I just returned from last weekend's Buddy Wasisname and the Other Fellers concert in Peterborough. They played two nights at the Market Square, but we only made it for Saturday. It was a great show and I hope you will get to see them sometime. There were people who came all the way from Ohio (and Temagami) to see the show, so that must say something about their qualities as entertainers. My Mom and Dad were there, as well as sister Lisa and her hubby Yves, Jodie and Jim, Jodie's mom, Jim's sister....

This photo wasn't from the Peterborough concert. I've got one on my camera, give me a day to download it here.

Proceeds from the concert are going to Jodie and Lisa's Ride to Conquer Cancer. I've just sent out an email to what seems like a million people, asking them to make a donation (if they haven't already done so). Nothing to stop you from making a 2nd donation! I've made two! Jodie and Lisa have now surpassed their target of $5700, but that's no reason to stop, so take a minute to make a donation. The link is to the right of this post.

Thanks!

PS Yesterday's workout was As Many Rounds in 20-Minutes of 10x65# thruster and 10 pullups. I did 9 rounds plus one extra thruster for good measure. I thought I might die for lack of oxygen after that, but instead just gasped on the ground for a good 10 minutes!

And today's workout was Elizabeth (21-15-9 reps of 100# clean and ring dips). Time: 15:50
This was done with the names Diane and Mike written on my hand. People are sending me names of loved ones to dedicate my workouts to. Both Diane and Mike are battling cancer.

Need sleep

2008-05-08T14:56:00.003-04:00

Stop me if you've heard this one before....

Only 7 hours last night. Seven hours feels like 3 or 4. Every morning I wake feeling like I've slept 3 or 4 hours. I don't want to go back on the sleeping pills, their side effects were worse than the insomnia. Anna gave me some homeopathic sleeping pills one night. They seemed to work, without side effects. Should try them again tonight, even though I don't believe in homeopathics.

Today's workout was 50 burpees. A burpee is a pushup, then squat, then jump, in one fluid motion. My fluidity seemed more like viscosity after about the 20th rep. Time: 5:02.

I'm off for a bath, then maybe a nap.

Updates

2008-05-06T10:43:00.003-04:00

Jodie and Lisa have raised $5100 of their $5700 goal. Let's push them over the top! I still have to send out an email to a long list of people asking for their support and providing an update.

Which leads me to my computer. It's dead. Long live my little 12" iBook. Looks like I'm in the market for a new MacBook and will be using Anna's PC until that time (ugh).

I'm on vacation right now. You will remember that I was to be on a canoe trip. I'd been looking forward to it all winter. Must be something really special to postpone (not cancel) my solo trip to Chee-skon's Conjuring Rock. Update on that to follow.

And today's workout is Annie: 100 pullups, 100 pushups, 100 situps, 100 squats for time. 26:03

Poetry corner

2008-05-06T10:27:00.002-04:00

I wanted to put a new poem in the sidebar (check out the Zen classic there by Basho), but I didn't want to lose this gem, so here it is (for part of eternity, anyway).

Nothing twice by Wislawa Szymborska

Nothing can ever happen twice
In consequence, the sorry fact is
that we arrive here improvised
and leave without the chance to practice.

Even if there is no one dumber,
if you're the planet's biggest dunce,
you can't repeat the class in summer:
this course is only offered once.

No day copies yesterday,
no two nights will teach what bliss is
in precisely the same way
with exactly the same kisses.

One day, perhaps, some idle tongue
mentions your name by accident:
I feel as if a rose were flung
into the room, all hue and scent.

The next day, though you're here with me,
I can't help looking at the clock:
A rose? A rose? What could that be?
Is it a flower or a rock?

Why do we treat the fleeting day
with so much needless fear and sorrow?
It's in its nature not to stay:
Today is always gone tomorrow.

With smiles and kisses, we prefer
to seek accord beneath our star,
although we're different (we concur)
just as two drops of water are.

Is anyone still out there?

2008-05-05T17:24:00.006-04:00

Isn't this a pretty watercolour? From Diamond Lake. It's from Clive Powsey at http://water-colourpaintings.blogspot.com/

Or have you all left considering I've been so neglectful recently? We'll see how many of you have this in an RSS feed...

Over four weeks since my last chemo. I think my body is having a sympathetic reaction - I'm somewhat grumpy, I can't sleep so well, just like when I was on prednisone! Perhaps now my body realizes though that that phase is over. I hope so.

I just returned from my first run in a looooong time. I think my last run was a 5 km jaunt just before chemo #1. I ran it in about 20 minutes. Today I ran about 6 km in over 36 minutes. I felt like I was running through drying glue, my legs were so upset with me. I've recently abandoned the "lift heavy things" fitness philosophy in favour of returning to CrossFit. Calendar shoot is in 3-4 weeks, so I need to look my best. I've also stopped gorging myself and have returned to eating clean - paleo (i.e. caveman food), intermittent fasting (eat lots in a 10 am - 6 pm window of time, and not at all outside of that. I'd gained over 10 lbs. in 2 months while eating everything but the kitchen sink. Lots of muscle, and some fat too. Now is time to 'cut' the fat and show off that (mostly hairless) body.

Rob, if you liked my Giant story, you must really have got a chuckle out of this post!

Almost at NO CHEMO day!!

2008-04-29T12:54:00.003-04:00

Bob's computer is still in the shop. We are not sure where it stands... It may not be good news...
I am SO thankful that these words are about a computer and not my beloved sweetie!!! Bob is doing pretty well in the recovery week of the chemo cycle. I was away this weekend so we haven't seen much of each other since Wed.
We are both excited that this Thursday there is no trip to New Liskeard hospital. Bob will instead be getting up early and going to his last day of 4 day shifts... I will hopefully be sleeping in!
I am very curious to see what Bobs body does with not being poisoned this week!
It is so good to be done that cycle. I am so thankful that these drugs exist and can do the wonderful things they do and that Bob is DONE CHEMO!! Now the 5 year wait begins....

Computer troubles

2008-04-25T14:28:00.003-04:00

My computer's been acting up and I've not been able to post here recently. I'll put this post out quickly, in case the laptop bonks again. I'm well, starting to feel normal. Doing some yardwork, taking it easy, watching the lake ice go out. You know, blackflies are coming so I'm trying to enjoy the sunny bug-free weather. No dreams of giants recently.

Someone hand me a sling and some stones

2008-04-19T09:04:00.004-04:00

For those who still don't believe in dream interpretation, I had a crazy one last night....

(Some background, it is now 10 days since my last chemo session, and 5 since my last prednisone pill. I'm still using sleeping pills, but I didn't last night until after this dream. I've had night sweats for a couple of nights in a row--that's a sign of lymphoma, but one my oncologist is unconcerned about. Went to bed at 10, woke up with this dream at 1, took a pill and slept until 6, then slept again until 8. Yesterday I finished three days of very physically demanding training at work. My daytime energy levels are completely dependent on how I slept the night before--I've had some good nights recently, and some bad nights.)

I was a child, maybe 10 years old (though I'd just got off a shift at the fire station, you know how that somehow works in dreamland). I was leaving a large building when I saw a giant, nine feet tall. The giant saw me and started to chase me. He said, "I'm going to get you, I will never stop!" I ran. I had to leave my car behind, my wallet, all my baggage, I only had the clothes on my back. I ran into the fields, and for every step the giant took, I took three. I was ahead, but he kept yelling that he would get me no matter what. I ran into a mall and found a Swedish sauna/bathhouse. They had numerous saunas to sign out. I climbed into one of them, it was very small. I turned the heat off because I thought I'd be in there for awhile. There were cupboards in the wall of the sauna, but they were too small for me, even as a child, to hide in. I felt safer in there, but kept wondering, "Will the giant get bored, not finding me? Or will he methodically search every closet, every field, every room in the mall until he finds me in this sauna?" Eventually I could no longer hear the giant, and some people were telling me it was safe to come out. I had to go to the bathroom and get something to eat. Some nice people took me to the bathroom. Then I went outside, looked around a bit, and came back into the mall. No sign of the giant. There were some people watching a movie, and in the movie there was a huge gratuitous shot of a Wendy's hamburger and a Coca-cola. I shuddered and thought, "There's no way I can eat that, if I do the giant will surely find me." Then I walked through a MacDonald's restaurant, and I thought I saw the giant sitting there, but he did not see me and I didn't get a clear look. On the way back to the sauna, I was feeling better and better, like I might not have to live my life in hiding. There were some people I work with there (Claude and Steve, flying a helicopter of all things--they don't know how to fly, and they didn't in the dream either!). There were some old women sweeping the halls, and some young women complaining that the old women take too many breaks. I got back to the bathhouse, but someone had taken my sauna. She was drying out her cross country ski clothes. All the others were taken. Where would I hide! There were beautiful women there, but I could only catch fleeting glimpses.... But I knew the giant was still looking for me.

Then I woke up. I hope this doesn't turn into a recurrent nightmare. If it does, I hope to have the presence of mind to go looking for the giant, confront him, defeat him.

355 lbs.

2008-04-13T21:03:00.005-04:00

That's one Suzuki Freewind

Or 24-hours of ice from an Ice-o-matic 0320

Or one near record-breaking tuna from Vista, California.

Or 355 lbs. is how much iron I lifted from the floor to my waist (five times) earlier today. That's a new record for me. Sorry for tooting my own horn.

Instead, why not read this article about how much mail two pilots flew 430 miles in 1919. (Hint: 355 lbs.)

Cancer schmancer.

Uppers and downers

2008-04-12T14:12:00.002-04:00

Prednisone in the morning.... Gets my mind racing, makes me irritable, tires me out. Then I can't get to sleep when the time comes. So I take my sleeping pills. Last night I got 3 hours of sleep without them before I woke up staring at the ceiling. Half a pill wouldn't put me down. The second half didn't do it either. So at 4 am I took a full pill (now with 2 full doses inside me). That did it. But I woke up at 10 feeling like crap. Did some yoga and some meditation. By the time breakfast came around it was noon. I'm supposed to take my prednisone with breakfast, at 6 am. So now I'm 6 hours behind. And the cycle continues. I'll be lucky if I'm tired by 2 am. Oh well, I know a little blue pill that will help with that. And the cycle continues. I don't like the sleeping pills. And I don't like the prednisone. I feel like I'm in the middle of a tug-of-war.

Yesterday's workout:

backsquat 3x5 205 lbs
shoulder press 3x5 105 lbs
power clean 3x5 115 lbs

Call me lame, but I took Nikita for a walk down the Red Squirrel Road. I let her out at the pipeline and let her run while I followed in the car. I used to make fun of people who do that. I guess if they have cancer then they have a good excuse.

Spring left us and winter returned, with 3" of snow yesterday.

I have so much to be happy for, so much to be grateful for, but I can't find that today.

All done!

2008-04-11T10:28:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was my last chemotherapy session. Good bye to my friends Rituximab, Cyclophosphamide, Vincristine, Doxorubicin, and Prednisone (well, I still have 4 days of oral prednisone to go). Of course, being done chemo doesn't mean I feel great. I did get pumped full of toxins yesterday! So I feel like crap! But today I feel better than last night. And tomorrow I'll feel better than today. And so on and so forth. Anna and I are planning a party for sometime in the next month or two to celebrate. We'll keep you up to date. Right now I've still got the white blood cell rollercoaster to get through. Still have to give myself the Neulasta injection tonight.

I'd better get going. I'm off to New Liskeard for a little weightlifting and a sauna. I'll go light today, no records to be broken. Just want to get moving. It's starting to snow and we're supposed to get 10 cm tonight, so I'd better go now and beat the blizzard.

Patricia, congratulations on your last chemo as well! And remember, even if you are fatigued, studies show that physical activity (walk around the block, yoga, whatever you can do) actually reduces fatigue.

Thanks to all who have sent in their positive thoughts over the last few days! Anna and I are truly blessed.

Tomorrow is my last chemo (ever) ! ! !

2008-04-09T07:52:00.002-04:00

I'm usually of the 'never-say-never' philosophy, but in this case I'm okay with saying that tomorrow, #8, will be my final chemotherapy session. No qualifications. I'm of mixed emotions - not that I will miss the nausea, diarrhea, sleeplessness, hair loss, fatigue, and crabbiness. On one hand, I will not miss those things at all. I will not miss having lymphoma at all. But on the other, I'm not looking forward to the next week. The doctors say that the effects of chemotherapy are not cumulative, but they are in me. The day after my first chemo I deadlifted a personal record (at the time) of 335 lbs. I won't be attempting the same on Friday. One thing about cancer, no two are the same, no two people have the same cancer experience. So I expect the next week to be rough. Hopefully this isn't a self-fulfilling prophesy. But each morning when I wake up feeling better than the day before, I'll know that I'm on the mend. And then the long five year wait begins. I don't like to think of it as a wait, though. Wait implies that something will happen. Nothing will happen. Let's call it five years of confirming continued good health.

New strengths

2008-04-07T10:34:00.002-04:00

I'm in the middle of a string of nights at the 'ol NBFD right now. We've been unusually busy, with training and calls (particularly those nasty 2 am calls, followed by 3 am calls...). But I'm holding up well. I'm tired, of course, and I'm cognizant that I must take time in the day to rest, but I'll be at work again tonight.

My workouts are going well. Yesterday I did backsquats, benchpresses, and deadlifts, 3 rounds of 5 lifts (1x5 for the DL). My BS was 225#, close to my 1 rep. maximum. BP was 135, 10# higher than my previous 1 RM, and DL was 345, tied with my previous 1 RM. All that is a weightlifter's way of saying that I now lift for 15 repetitions (5 for the DL) what previously I could only lift once. In other words, I'm stronger. Much. And my weight is only up a few pounds. Some of that increase might be due to improved technique, of course.

I keep track of all my appointments with a computerized calendar which synchronizes with my cell phone. I ditched the paper daybook last year. Anyway, one of the categories in my calendar, the category I use for all my medical appointments, is called BEATING CANCER. Yes, in capital letters. 'Cause that's what I'm up to. New strength.

Sleep, glorious sleep

2008-04-02T09:38:00.002-04:00

Three nights sleep, all without the sedatives. I didn't think it possible. I hope this trend can continue. Also, I'm going to bed at a more normal time (10:30 last night) and waking up at a more normal time (7 this morning). The pills, while necessary some nights, definitely have major drawbacks. They made me anxious about sleep (can I fall asleep without them? it's 3 am and I'm awake, should I take another 1/2 pill? I'm fatigued in the middle of the day, is that because of the pills? will I get addicted and end up forging prescriptions just to get my fix? will I be waking up at 4:30 am for the rest of my life?).

One week to go before my final chemo! Today, I'm excited about that.

Yesterday's workout:

3x5 backsquat 210 lbs
3x5 benchpress 130 lbs (working toward bodyweight!)
1x5 deadlift 315 lbs (closing in on my previous 1 rep max of 345!)
2x8 stability ball pushups
40 stability ball crunches

With the tremendous amount of food I've been eating over the last 2 weeks while on Starting Strength, I've gained 7 lbs. The goal is to get bigger muscles for the calendar shoot. For now, the basic theory is, "eat, sleep, lift heavy things." Then will come a time to 'cut' fat (eating this much not only builds muscle, but makes you pudgy). I'm careful to not overtax myself during workouts and to get lots of rest between workouts. Right now I'll take 1-2 days off between. I do wonder what the effect of my chemo drugs on muscle development is. If my hair is all falling out (my thighs are almost bare) due to the fast-growing hair follicles having been killed, how is it that new muscle cells can be created? I don't know, but it seems to be working.

Never thought this would happen

2008-04-01T08:12:00.004-04:00

Hmmm, this is a bit embarrassing, but something from which I cannot hide. I made the Ontario government's "Sunshine List" of public servants who earned over $100,000 last year. Just goes to show that a hundred-K doesn't count for what it used to. They really need to revise that number upward to reflect the new reality.

And it looks like I'm going to have to postpone the May canoe trip I've been so looking forward to. The latest long term forecast from Environment Canada is calling for an unseasonably cold spring. So much for global warming. One trapper I talked to said he doesn't think the ice will be out until early June. He gets this information by studying beaver entrails.

Finally, here's something I found while surfing the web. A new study from the University of Pittsburgh Cancer Center indicates that cancer causes a decrease in a person's sense of humour. Ha ha ha.

"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused." Anonymous.

A story

2008-03-29T05:25:00.003-04:00

I've been waking up early, doing some yoga, and getting uncharacteristic thoughts in my head. It's been years since I wrote a story. But I wrote this one this morning, in the last half hour. Now I have to go to work. No time to edit. I hope you enjoy it.

So it is

Once upon a time there was a very wise old monk, who travelled widely to teach. One winter's day he travelled to a small village in the northwoods. The monk gave his teaching, and the audience was impressed, some calling him the wisest teacher to pass through those parts in many years. That evening the monk set out into the woods to meditate, as was his custom. He wore his heavy wool robes, the same thing he wore regardless of where he happened to be. He sat down in a secluded glade, crossed his legs, closed his eyes, and emptied his mind.

The monk meditated for a very long time, longer than usual. Evening turned to night and still the monk sat. Clouds gathered on the horizon, and still the monk sat. Snowflakes began to fall, and even accumulate on the monk's heavy woolen robes, and still he sat. Night turned to day and back to night. Eventually, the Enlightened One was buried in snow and he took his last breath.

Meanwhile, the people of the village were worried. They began to search for the holy man. They searched the sides of the mountain and the forest in the valley. They searched the farmers' fields and the children's favourite hiding spots. They sent word to neighbouring villages. But they did not find the old monk, for he was now buried in snow. The people were despondent, but as days passed they moved on.

Spring came, the snows melted, and the monk's body emerged. Wolves tore away his woolen robes, ate his flesh. Ravens ate his eyeballs. "So it is," the monk's body thought.

Summer came, the forest dried, and the monk's bones lay in a heap on the ground. One day a fire raced through the woods and burned up his bones, smoke to the sky, ashes to the earth. "So it is," the monk's bones thought.

Seasons came and went. Years came and went. The smoke of the monk's bones circled the Earth, was storm, was wind, was a tree's life, was breath. "So it is," the smoke thought. The ashes of the monk's bones grew into trees, which fell down many centuries later and grew into more trees. It came to pass that the mountains eroded and the waters rose and submerged the forest. For many eons a sea sat there, fishes and other strange creatures swam about. Then many eons later the waters subsided, the seabed rose and became mountains once more.

Snows fell on the mountainside, snow which was made of the smoke of the monk's bones, the mountainside which was made of the ashes of the monk's bones. "So it is," the atoms that had once been the monk thought.

The Earth circled the Sun and the Sun circled the Milky Way. One day, the Sun became a supernova. The supernova burned the Earth into no-thingness, and that was the end of all days, for without a Sun and an Earth there can be no days.

The supernova circled the Milky Way, which itself floated further out into Space. At the edge of space, the Universe bumped into another universe. Those two clouds of space and dust collided, and made another world.

"So it is," the atoms that had once been the monk thought, though this point was beyond thought. So it is, they simply were.

In case you wondered how many pills I take a day

2008-03-25T08:10:00.002-04:00

Yoga, or what to do when insomnia hits at 5 am

2008-03-25T07:28:00.002-04:00

I have these nice little blue pills now. I think I've mentioned them before. They help me sleep. I used to think that a good active day, eating well, maybe a warm bath and a glass of milk at bed would give anyone a good night's sleep. No more. Sometimes, like when you're on chemotherapy, you might need some pharmaceutical help.

Now the problem I've noticed with my little blue pills is that of "dose escalation," or, "Why doesn't one pill help me sleep as long as it used to?" First time I took half a pill of zopiclone I was out like a light for 8 hours. Now I need a full pill, and that will only do me for 6-7 hours. Yesterday I got up at 4 am, staring at the ceiling, after only 5 hours of sleep. Took another 1/2 pill and was out again until 9. I needed that.

But this is how people get addicted to sedatives. The drug info from the pharmacist warns of "rebound insomnia" when you go off of zopiclone, in other words, when you stop taking it (as surely you must) you can't sleep for a few nights afterward. Not looking forward to that. But in the meantime, I'll enjoy my sleep. I need it.

Which brings me to this morning, 5 am. I went to sleep last night at 9, so wasn't upset when I woke up after 8 hours. I got up, as I have been most mornings recently, in the darkness, and quietly did a half hour of yoga in the livingroom. I talk a lot about strength and fitness, but I've always felt that something was lacking. A good morning stretch, a little meditative insight, sure helps too. Gets me ready for the day.

Images from yogatherapycenter.org and ashtangayoga.info

Starting Strength

2008-03-23T07:26:00.002-04:00

I've started a new fitness program.

Now WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! Before I get a chorus of comments saying, "Take it easy, Bob, rest, respect what your body's been through...." let me explain.

First, one of my great fears when I first heard I had cancer was that I would be bedridden for months. That has decidedly not been the case. That I have been as active as I have been is truly a blessing. Second, I am resting. Every other day, sometimes more, I do nothing more strenuous than walking the dog (though if you know my dog, you might think this strenuous). Third, my sleeping is much better now that I have those little blue pills (no, not THOSE little blue pills!). Fourth, most of the research shows that moderate physical activity lessens the side effects of chemotherapy and speeds whole body recovery. (Of course, the challenge for me has been finding the line between moderate and more-than-moderate!) And finally, my way of respecting what my body has been through is by moving it, not allowing it to wallow in a lump on the couch.

Blue Steel

Now on to my new fitness program. It's called Starting Strength, and is a program for novice weightlifters (think barbells and clean and jerk, not dumbbells and bicep curls). Basically this program involves five simple but infinitely complex exercises (kinda like tai chi): the squat, the bench press, the deadlift, the shoulder press, and the power clean. I do these exercises with heavy weights and eat a ton of good, clean food. The goal of this program is to, well, get stronger. I'm trying to do this for the calendar. Basically beef up a little bit for the ladies.

I actually find this whole calendar thing rather amusing. Those who know me well know that posing in a fireman's calendar is about the last thing anyone would expect me to do. Goes to show, "Never say never!" and that life leads you strange places. Follow!

Mark's Daily Apple

2008-03-21T14:00:00.005-04:00

Talked with Jodie earlier today. Her day job is as a personal trainer. She mentioned to me one of her clients, who is trying to lose weight with the Atkins Diet. Now I don't have anything against Atkins, in fact my diet is very compatible with it. It's certainly been skewed in the media, and a lot of people have put themselves on the diet without any understanding beyond "eat lots of steak and skip the potatoes." Inevitably, that approach doesn't succeed, leading people to fall off the wagon and gain back the weight. Then all the critics say, "See, we told you fad diets don't work!"

My main point is to share with you a blog that I read on a regular basis, Mark's Daily Apple.

Now I read a lot of blogs: blogs on exercise, blogs on paleolithic eating, blogs on low-carb eating, blogs on intermittent fasting. RSS is my friend.

But the one blog that seems to pull all the strands together is MDA. Mark talks about health, fitness, diet, and living a sane life in an insane world. He's big on variety in exercise (The case against chronic cardio), eating quality meats (organic, free range), healthy fats (fish oil, omega-3s, nuts, etc.), and veggies--but pass on the grains and carbs! Doesn't have much good to say about the USDA Diet Pyramid, which is pretty similar to the Canada Food Guide. He shuns sugar, candy, packaged "food products" and fast food, but encourages Sensible Vices such as dark chocolate and red wine. There's recipes and a great series called Eat this today, feel better tomorrow. He even has a post on Why the Atkins Diet works.

Anyway, Jodie, you should give this link to your client, and give him an assignment (you're his personal trainer, and he pays good money for your advice, so he'd better follow it!) Read the latest MDA post every day for a month. Follow the advice and start (slowly) to make changes. Same advice goes to everyone else.

While I'm on a diet/food/nutrition rant, I'll wrap up with Michael Pollan's Twelve Commandments for Serious Eaters, from his book In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto:

1. "Don't eat anything your grandmother wouldn't recognize as food."
2. "Avoid foods containing ingredients you can't pronounce."
3. "Don't eat anything that won't eventually rot."
4. "Avoid food products that carry health claims."
5. "Shop the peripheries of the supermarket; stay out of the middle."
6. "Better yet, buy food somewhere else: the farmers' market or CSA."
7. "Pay more, eat less."
8. "Eat a wide variety of species."
9. "Eat food from animals that eat grass."
10. "Cook, and if you can, grow some of your own food."
11. "Eat meals and eat them only at tables."
12. "Eat deliberately, with other people whenever possible, and always with pleasure."

By the way, Chemo #7 was yesterday. I feel like crap, but good food and a walk with the dog will have me feeling better in no time. One to go!

Thank God I live in Ontario

2008-03-19T08:19:00.002-04:00

Did a little research last night after speaking with someone about the cost of my therapy. I'd heard that rituximab is my most expensive drug, but had no idea how expensive it is. So I did a little googling, and found out some interesting things. First, it is not easy to find out what cancer treatment costs. Consequently, most of these figures are estimates. As for rituximab (the R in R-CHOP chemotherapy), it costs about $4000 per treatment, or $32,000 total for someone with my kind of lymphoma.

Finding information on the cost of my other drugs, cyclophosphamide, doxorubicin, and vincristine, was impossible. So I'll guess. I know that rituximab is the expensive one, so I'll assume that the other three combined cost the same $4000/treatment.

I was able to price out with complete accuracy prednisone and Neulasta--just looked on my bill from the pharmacy. Prednisone $57.44, and Neulasta $8303.90 (paid by my benefit plan).

So for drugs alone, I've cost the Ontario taxpayer at least $72,361.34.

I'll quickly consider (i.e. guess) the cost of my caregivers. I'll keep the figures I've used out of this, but taking into account my oncologists, nurses, and all of the other technicians, administrators, facilities, five years of follow up, etc., etc., etc.... $22,880.

Don't forget the trips to Sudbury, for which the Northern Health Travel Grant reimburses me $102.50 per trip. Eighteen trips (give or take) over 5 years equals $1845.

Oh, and my visit to emerg last month. Quick guess: $6440.

Specialists, my family physician, nurse practitioner, surgery.... $9200.

Total cost of my cancer: $112,726.34. Seems low.

(This does not include the cost of sperm banking, fertility treatments, naturopathic consultation, nutritional supplementation, intuitive healing, travel to Toronto, or the crystals that Anna bought me.)

I did find out that rituximab is not approved in every province. One article I read said that up to 100 Canadians just like me, with diffuse large B-cell lymphoma DIED between 2001 and 2004 due to delays in access to rituximab.

I've often thought that at the end of all of this, the Ministry of Health should send me a bill, telling me what my treatment cost (and saying at the bottom, "Paid for by the people of Ontario.") I think if everyone got a bill for their broken arm or stomach stapling or chemotherapy, we would be much more informed and involved when it comes to our health care system. Would you keep smoking if you knew that your 55-year-old friend's heart attack cost the province $250,000?

See also Thank God for my benefit plan.

Quick Update

2008-03-18T19:32:00.004-04:00

We have been told that there are not enough updates on the blog so I am posting this quick one. (This one is for you Yves!)
Bob is doing well, more tired than he would like, but feeling pretty good all in all. Sleeping pattern experiments are interesting, as Bob is trying to eat earlier and go to bed earlier. 5am is not an unusual wake time and he is frustrated with lying there trying to sleep so gets up. Needless to say our schedules don't match much these days!
He is also trying to bulk up his weight and muscle mass for his pin up debut as firefighter of whatever month. So all of his time has been spent making and eating yummy food. Can you imagine Bob muscling up for a calendar!? Well, watch out 11 other firefighters - and ladies, remember he's MINE! Though we'd appreciate you all ordering calendars!
Chemo #7 is on Thursday. It feels so close to the end and yet as Bob points out, there is 25% of his treatment left. The first 2 treatments were intense and had significant impact on him, so we are preparing ourselves for whatever these next 2 hold. We have the 2 neulasta shots in the fridge, ready for Friday and 3 weeks from now. We'll see whether it is me administering them or Bob. Whenever I think of the price of those I feel like we won a small lottery! Hooray for drug plans! I can't imagine if we had to pay out of pocket as some people do... Also thankful for OHIP coverage and socialized health care!
23 days until the last treatment (but who is counting!!??)

Bloggy weather

2008-03-11T20:59:00.000-04:00

Today’s Cancer Weather Report calls for sunny skies, moderate temperatures, and calm winds. That’s a big change from last week’s fever with an overnight high of 39 and daytime lows around 33.

However, overnight you can still expect insomnia winds, scattered night sweats, intermittent pee showers, and some mental fogginess after you take your sleeping pill.

Old man winter still has a few things up his sleeves though. Expect a shot in the arm next week and again in early April that will have you shovelling white blood cells. There will also be flash chills every time you think about chemotherapy.

Road conditions are improving, and we’re not expecting you to travel the cancer highway to Sudbury anytime in the next six months!

Bed rise will be variable, usually sometime between 5 and 10 am, and bed set is no better, again sometime between 7 pm and 3 am.

The long term forecast calls for dropping a belt notch or two, with moderating temperatures and hopefully less overnight precipitation. Prednisone mood swings should even out by mid-April.

All in all, expect more unsettled weather until mid-April, then look forward to one of the nicest summers in years!

Breast Cancer Site needs more "clicks"!

2008-03-11T11:54:00.002-04:00

A friend just sent this to me and I am passing it along to you. Please pass it along to others.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments
that take our breath away"

A favor to ask, it only takes 30 seconds....

Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Breast Cancer site is having
trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their
quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged
woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on
'donating a mammogram' for free (pink window in the middle).

This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors /advertisers use the
number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.

*http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/ *

Oncology Appointment

2008-03-10T20:41:00.003-04:00

We saw Dr. Herst and Donna today. All went well. Bob will fill in more tomorrow with a witty blog entry. We had fun thinking of things to post while we waited for Dr. Herst in Room 6.
More later. Bob is working day shift tomorrow and needs to get to bed early!

Marathon finish line in sight - ultramarathon starts as soon as I cross it

2008-03-09T10:19:00.007-04:00

Sitting at home, alone, on a Sunday morning listening to the Grateful Dead. Outside it's sunny and cold. Other than 10 pushups and a walk around town yesterday, I've been very good at 'catching up on my rest' recently. I'm looking forward to seeing Dr. Herst, for the first time since January, tomorrow. Also looking forward to attempting another tour at work, starting Tuesday. Things have been uneventful since I was hospitalized. Been eating well, sleeping well (with some pharmaceutical help).

Here's a photo of Anna and Pam. Pam visited yesterday. Her and Anna took over the living room to make velvety dresses. Pam is wearing that heart around her neck until I'm well.

When do I get well? I'm much better now than I was a few months ago. I don't think I have cancer anymore. Think of it like a mess on the floor. The first few rounds of chemotherapy has swept up the mess on the floor and tossed it in the dustbin These last few rounds involve scrubbing the clean floor with a toothbrush just to make sure it's all gone.

But still, cancer is like a marathon (I've noticed that I spout fewer cliches as my cancer journey progresses, but it hasn't stopped altogether). A marathon with no end, or at least they don't tell you where the end is. At the end of chemo they'll say I'm in remission. I'll be in remission for maybe five years, then I'll be.... what? cured? a survivor? a-ok? So I'm running my chemo marathon right now, weary and ready for the finish line. But I'm aware that as soon as I cross the finish line I will face the five year remission ultramarathon. I suppose when the ultramarathon finishes I'll be walking the endless path of the survivor. Whatever. I'm just enjoying the journey I'm on.

Bob & Anna's excellent adventure

2008-03-05T15:14:00.002-05:00

We're in Toronto right now, staying at Anna's mom's place. Anna had some appointments, and I came down to be with her. (All is going well with that, if you know what I'm talking about.)

So I left work yesterday morning, 7 am and arrived in Toronto just in time for her appointment at noon. I started getting tired right then, but didn't think that to be out of the ordinary, as I'd just worked a night shift then driven 5 hours. After the appointment, we had some running around to do, which took most of the afternoon. Once we got back to Di's house, we made dinner and flopped on the couches. Around then I started to feel unwell, like I might be getting a fever. Not a cold or flu, just headachey, with chills and hot flashes. I checked my temperature and it was normal. Went to bed at 8:30, but didn't sleep well at all. I developed an intense headache and was up to pee every 20 minutes. At 1 am I checked my temp. again and it was 39 C--I'm to go to emerg if it goes above 38.

Of course, Toronto had a big winter storm last night. After a few phone calls to figure out where to go (closest hospital, Princess Margaret?) all three of us piled into the car and headed off into the snow and freezing rain. We went to Princess Margaret, and were told to head off to Toronto General Emergency, just down the road. Thankfully the ER was slow, and it only took us an hour from the time we walked in the front door to the time that I had a room of my own.

It was 3 am now, and in addition to a fever and splitting headache, I was very tired. At least I had a bed! Poor Anna and Di spent the night on chairs! For me it was blood tests, an IV and some Tylenol to bring down the fever. I slept fitfully, but the fever broke. By 7 am the blood tests had come back negative and my temperature was normal, so I was discharged. We're still waiting for blood and urine culture tests, but for now we're back at Di's, resting, recovering.

Tomorrow we drive north again. I won't be back in to work for the remainder of this night shift.

Slowly, I'm learning that I need to slow down. No more working out two or three days in a row, followed by a day of rest. Now it's more like workout lightly one day, rest for two. I think this is due to my low blood counts, but last night's tests didn't show neutropenia. The other lesson learned is to keep all my medical info with me. I've been feeling so great over the last few months that I've not been carrying anything--maybe some anti-nauseants, but I haven't even taken any of those recently. Contact names and numbers, names of prescription medications, etc. I must carry those with me.

Article

2008-03-04T07:23:00.002-05:00

I'm on the road down to Toronto today, blogging on the run. Just wanted to post up the link to an article on me that appeared in yesterday's Nugget.

Thank you dear friends!

2008-03-01T15:40:00.004-05:00

Anna here. I just wanted to post a thanks to all the lovely women helping to take care of Bob while I am away!!
Thanks Leslie and Jayne for making sure Bob got home safe from chemo and taking care of him settling him in at home and doing some post-chemo TLC that I can't do from here! I know he probably could have driven home just fine, but it helps that I didn't have to worry about him driving! It means so much for me to be able to trust that Bob is in such good hands. I bet Lynn got a kick out of it! Did she know that I called them? :)

Erin - Thanks for carpooling with Bob too! Who knew there would need to be another hospital trip so soon! I know it is nice to share the driving around on winter roads, I am glad it worked out for you both! I hope the girls got a good nap too.

Thank God for my benefit plan

2008-02-29T18:46:00.004-05:00

Left home yesterday in loads of time to get to the hospital a little bit early. Anna had left my car at the gas station, so I walked down there to pick it up. Minus 30ish overnight. Locks on the car were frozen. Walked back home to pick up some lock de-icer. Walked back to the gas station, de-iced the locks, climbed in and drove off, only somewhat late now. Got to the hospital, and into the lab. Waited long enough that the receptionist apologized, saying that she hadn't, "done one of these before." Then off to the oncology room to wait for the results to come in.

It took a good while for the results, and I was starting to get antsy about my timing. Usually if I get to the lab by 8:30, I can get out of the hospital by 4:30. I was a good hour late by this time. Finally the blood test results came in, and they weren't good. My white blood cell and absolute neutrophil counts are low. Lynn tells me though that this is good news, it means that Dr. Herst has me on just the right dose of chemo. If my counts had bottomed out in the first few rounds, that would indicate too high a dose. If they hadn't bottomed out at all, that might indicate too low a dose. So she seems to think that my cancer is having its ass kicked, to which I concur. However, she'd have to call Sudbury to get permission to continue with the treatment.

It took another half hour to get the answer back from Dr. Herst--go ahead with the treatment, but come back in tomorrow for an injection to boost my blood counts. Good news, and time to start the treatment. Not so fast....

Now I had to call my insurance company to make sure they would cover the injection, which apparently is quite expensive. After some backing-and-forthing we found out that the drug is only covered if I give it to myself--not if it's administered in a hospital. Well, for that kind of money, I can surely give myself a shot! I'll have to get a dose of this after each treatment from now on.

Now it was time to start my chemo, at 11:00! I was sure I wouldn't get out before 6.

The treatments went smoothly. My chemo-buddy was there, but he was well ahead of me. I snoozed through lunch due to the Benadryl. After lunch I had a visitor from Temagami, a friend who's wife is dying of cancer. She's in palliative care in another wing of the hospital. I'm glad he dropped in for a chat. Also looked like he needed to get out of her room for a bit, remove himself from that experience for a few moments.

Dr. Pariag came in for a visit in the afternoon. We chatted about my insomnia, and he convinced me to go home with a prescription for a sedative. I picked those pills up today, but am hoping to not have to use them. I've found that curling up to a heating pad puts me right to sleep when I start staring at the ceiling at 3 am.

Lynn did get me out of there by 4:30, I don't know how she did it but it wasn't by running my IVs wide open.

Of course, Anna's in Toronto and doesn't at all like me being alone on chemo days, let alone driving myself home. So she arranged for her friends Jayne and Leslie to carpool me home. Lynn got a chuckle of that, me being picked up by two women while my wife's away in another town! So they brought me home, made me some tea and sought assurances that I wouldn't get up to be a Busy Bob after they left. After finishing the tea it was a simple dinner and off to bed by 9. I had one of the best sleeps I've had in awhile, right through to 7:30, with the exception of an hour of tossing and turning, solved by the aforementioned heating pad.

This morning was spent in household chores. Our neighbour Erin (with the 15-month old twins) called to say she was going up to New Liskeard for some errands, did I want to carpool? Of course I did, so Erin and I were off to the north, with the girls in the back seat for their afternoon nap. Picked up my injection ($2,800!) and headed back to have Lynn instruct me in its use. I asked her, what would happen if someone needed this drug but did not have it covered by insurance? She said that they would get it, eventually, perhaps in a month after having gone through a lot of paperwork. To me, that's not right. If someone needs the drugs today, they should get them today, not in a month!

Lynn monitored me for an hour afterward, to make sure there would be no adverse reaction. All was fine, so we headed south again. Since returning I've simply been futzing away the afternoon. Am hoping for another great night's sleep.

Chemo #6 tomorrow

2008-02-27T21:18:00.001-05:00

This time tomorrow I'll be 3/4 done! But I NEED to get a good night's sleep. It's 9:00 now, and my pumpkin-hour has arrived. Off to bed, and up at 6 tomorrow to take my prednisone and head off to the hospital. I'm considering an early morning workout at the New Liskeard Fitness Centre. You know, get the blood flowing, open the veins, ready for my life saving drugs. Anna's getting on the Toronto bus tonight, and will not be with me tomorrow. She's not comfortable with that, but it's for the greater good. She's set me up with her friends Jayne and Leslie, who will drive me home tomorrow evening and make sure I'm comfortable.

Send me kind throughts and prayers tomorrow!

Those who have come before

2008-02-26T21:03:00.008-05:00

I talked with Jodie earlier tonight and promised I would not stay up too late, but that I would post something. So I've got some photos from the recent trip to Toronto. I happened to walk past Princess Margaret Hospital (Ontario's 'premier' cancer hospital), and had Anna take this photo. Ever the Canadian patriot, I even have a flag planted on top of my shiny dome.

Then I walked north a block to Queen's Park (Ontario's Legislature, for my 'foreign' readers). On the grounds of this majestic building is the Ontario Fallen Firefighters' Memorial. On the Memorial are the names of 344 Ontario firefighters who have given their lives in the line of duty.

On that list, near the bottom of the last panel I searched, is the name of the only North Bay firefighter to give his life protecting the good people here, Platoon Chief Guy Cantin. Now I did not work with Guy, but many of my colleagues did, and every one of them has good stories to tell. (Sometimes I think a fire department is simply a collection of stories about those who have come before.) At Station One we have a painting, showing a bunker gear locker, empty of firefighter's clothing but for Guy's coat and boots. The painting hangs at the top of the stairs between the kitchen and the apparatus floor. Each time we get a call, we pass it. To me, the painting says, 'Guy is watching out for us.' That is, after all, the primary responsibility of a PC--make sure everyone goes home.

My current Platoon Chief, Richard Woodward, was a good friend of Guy's. Woody watched Guy die of cancer.

Woody's been great to me over the last few months, watching out for me like a guardian angel. I know he'd do it for any one who needs a helping hand, that's just the kind of man he is. So Woody, thank you. We're here for you, too.

Here's an article from the BBC which provides a good synopsis of the increased rates of cancer among firefighters.

Staring at the ceiling

2008-02-23T01:14:00.004-05:00

Aline, my mystical healer, told me to get more rest. So here I am at 1:15 am, awake. I was in bed earlier, but couldn't stop staring at the ceiling. It's getting pretty common for me to go to sleep between 1 and 3 am, and not get up until 10 or 11. I'm fortunate that I'm able to do that on my four days off. But when I'm at work my sleep gets completely messed up and I finish the 4 days on completely drained.

Aline also said she felt in me the urge to travel. So I told her about the Makobe River trip planned for May. That's keeping me going, my motivation to stay healthy and come out the other end of chemo better than ever. Like Nietzsche said, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

All that said, I'm ready for chemo to be over. Been there, done that. Once chemo has done it's job, I'll say thank you very much, move on and won't look back.

I did enter some dietary information on FitDay yesterday, you can see it here. (Aline also asked me if I was losing weight, not something a 145 lb. athlete on chemotherapy wants to hear.) I must admit that recently I've been eating two big meals a day, breakfast (at noon) and dinner (at 6), plus some snacking in the afternoon or evening. But I was surprised to see that yesterday I only took in 2000 calories. Someone like me "should" eat 2500 a day. Carbs could have been lower, clocked in at 127 g for the day, much less than our society's 300-600 g/day average, but still more than I'd like. Was doing quite well (liver, eggs, and spinach for breakfast; pork roast and brasicas for dinner) until the big evening bowl of oatmeal and the ricecakes with hazelnut butter. Hey, at least I sprinkled the oats with ground flax, hemp seeds, and cinnamon!

Yesterday's exercise was a 4 km snowshoe, including a 2 km bushwhack, playing with my new GPS. For those of you who have never bushwhacked in the north woods in February before, well, lets just say it's an activity requiring safety eyewear. Just ask the one-eyed timber cruiser at Goulard Lumber. Good exercise, though!

Must be close to bedtime.

Sunlight and naps

2008-02-20T10:19:00.008-05:00

This is our cat Smudge lying in a patch of warm sun in front of the bedroom door. I like to think that she is guarding Bob's sleep. He has just come home from 4 nights of working and went to bed at 9am. I am working, so we put the housecoat under the door to block the sounds.

Bob hasn't posted in a few days so I thought I would. Things have been good. Though this is the cycle that Bob's white cells were lowest, he is still doing well. A few days ago he came home and I was still snoozing. He said he wasn't going to nap, but lay down and as we were talking, he was fading. I suggested he needed his sleep. He got up 4 hours later.

Today he has a massage treatment with Aline which he is very much looking forward to. The debate this morning was to go for a sauna before or after. I suggested that either was good and that his body could decide based on when he got up. He's not up yet, so it looks like after!

I missed my appointment with Aline a few weeks ago due to freezing rain - nooooo!!!! (I REALLY wanted to go). Fortunately she had a cancellation yesterday and I was able to take it! Ahhhhh....

Dave called today and is on a run across the country. He'll be stopping by - it looks like we'll have dinner with him in New Liskeard. We will be exchanging Christmas presents - we didn't get a chance to see them sooner as Dave's last run up this way didn't happen.

It has been beautiful weather here and we have another sunny sunny day with blue sky and cold crisp temperatures! I don't think there will be any skiing or a workout for Bob today, just massage and sauna and hopefully dinner with Dave!
Here is another shot of Smudge hanging out with Bob after this last round of chemo.

Thank you all for all of your support. It means SO much to us!

No title today

2008-02-15T11:19:00.003-05:00

It's been a good few days, since I got off the prednisone. Seems that as my treatments progress, the side effects increase. One of my toenails is even turning black, which is a side effect of doxorubicin. (I can't even type that word without shuddering. But the Red Devil is my ally. A ruthless mercenary, who would kill me as soon as kill my cancer, but my ally nonetheless.) I'm trying to focus on the two healthy weeks ahead, rather than the three treatments still to come. Keeping eye on ball....

I've not been following my healthy-living ideals in the last week. In the days right after chemo I skiied every afternoon. Since going off prednisone I've been a blob at home, a busy blob, up to my eyeballs as a desk-jockey ecowarrior. No daily workouts. And I've not been eating like a caveman--too many carbs, not enough balance. I'm going back to work tomorrow evening, and that will give me a chance to reenter a healthier routine. I'll do some kind of workout and I'll eat well. Somehow it's quite easy for me to stay on-track at work.

Hebe, your care package arrived, thank you so much. The tea had exploded, but everything else was intact. I find I cannot appreciate the poems without reading them aloud, so I stand in sockfeet, by my stove, late at night, with only one light on in the house, and read. I've copied one poem into the sidebar, and I encourage everyone to read it aloud. Read it to yourself, or to a friend. Read it in the sunlight or by flashlight. Read it naked or clothed, I don't care, just read it aloud.

Be kind. Everyone you see is fighting a great battle

2008-02-11T13:07:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to put down something in writing to say thank you to all those who comment here. If everyone is in a great battle (as Philo of Alexandria said, and "Anonymous" reminded me) then all these people are brothers and sisters in arms.

Let me start with Patricia from Nashville, whose comment got me thinking about all those who have left their kind words here on NFB. Patricia, we're in this together. Next workout, your name's written on my hand. Stay in touch.

Mom & Dad, Jodie, Sarah, Jane, Lisa & Yves, Lisa.... I know you're the ones out there reading this nearly every day (or sometimes many times a day!). Thank you so much. It means the world to me. Jodie, Sarah, and Lisa B., you three would love each other. And Jane, I got the GF booklet, thanks!

Beth: Sorry, but you can't actually pre-order a calendar. Of course I'll put the info up here as soon as it's available, probably late in the year.

To all the CFers out there: Gio, Adam and Caity, C_Mel, Charles, Wilson, Rocco, Matt, Mike L., Paul, StrengthDoc, Adam K., 1000yds, U'i. I know my name has been written on your hands, sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively, and I take strength from that. You all have much to give and I give thanks in return.

Morgan and Salima: truer healing words are rarely spoken.

Hebe, Pam, Teri, David & Priya, Chris & Marie, Larry & Roula, Peter & Leslie, Ed, Sara, Rob L., Kim, Marianne, Tracey, Wanda, Jen M., Maria, "The Other Jean", Bronwen, Pete/Lree/Ben, Jamey, Nico, Jason, Robb, Dave. Thank you all. Roberta, thank you for Churchill's immortal, inspirational words. Here they are again, in case anyone missed them.

How to salvage a messed-up day

2008-02-10T22:58:00.000-05:00

Prednisone is hitting me harder this time around. I'm moody. Yesterday I basically told Anna, "Don't touch me, don't talk to me." That kept me from being too annoyed with her (through absolutely no fault of her own) but it didn't make her too happy. But we bounced through that day with only a few scrapes and bruises.

This afternoon we went out for a ski to the Jesse Lake trails. Our mistake was skiing there right from home, across the windswept expanse of the lake, rather than driving to the beginning of the trail. Well, then her back was hurting, and she was tired, and she was thirsty, and she wanted to know, 'are we were there yet,' and I made the grievous mistake of calling her 'slowpoke' once (I was being pulled by the dog with the ski-jor harness at the time). Anyway, we stopped in at drop-dead gorgeous Little Jesse Lake for a rest and some hot cocoa. Then we started skiing again, and Anna started to complain about the wind. She tells me that at this point I was too quick with my dirty look, because she was about to say how beautiful and sheltered it was in the trees. But I mouthed off something true, but ill-advised, basically saying, "Shaddap, I'm trying to have a nice day and all you're doing is complaining. Maybe if you had cancer you'd appreciate the cold wind biting your cheeks. Reminds you that you're alive."

Remember my first cancer post? I said something about raindrops falling down the back of my neck.

Then I skiied on, and considered just skiing all the way home without waiting for her. Of course, I didn't. I told myself, "No, she's my sweetie, I love her, I'll stop in a sheltered place and we'll work this thing out." And that's what we did. She was crying. She told me how I'd misread her earlier. I apologized. She apologized for being a wet blanket. We kissed and made up. Then we continued the ski, all the way home, even across the windswept expanse of the lake. We finished the day by heading up to New Liskeard for a date! Spicy Thai curries and a movie (Emotional Arithmetic) at the Temiskaming Film Society.

And that's how to salvage a messed-up day.

Temagami and Home Again (a post from Bob's Mom)

2008-02-10T09:15:00.000-05:00

As all you blog followers know, Anna has been in Toronto for a little over a week - the stay being extended in part because of the major snow storms that city has received in the last while. Joe and I travelled to Temagami last Wednesday and got Bob safely to New Liskeard and back on Thursday when he received his 5th chemo treatment. It was a long day starting at 6 am and ending about 9:30 pm. I can't remember when I last went to bed at 9:30 but this day was all about helping Bob conquer the cancer demon so he made the early bedtime call. We were back in Temagami about 5:00 and the aroma of supper was evident as we opened the door. Bob, being the ever-inventive cook, had elected to put a chicken into the slow cooker along with some proscuitto, lots of onion and some white wine before we left. Now, we only had to do some rice and a veggie and supper was on the table. Even though he was feeling the effects of too many drugs in his system, he was still able to eat a very good supper and wasn't bothered with any nausea. Even by this morning, he had not had to take any of the anti-nauseants although he always has them at the ready.

Friday was a quiet day; went for a walk to the bank and the post office and Bob did go for a short ski on the Jesse Lake trails. Nikita went along, too. I'm sure she was very pleased to be taken for a long walk as she had not been anywhere the day before. Anna arrived home that evening and was so happy to be there. This was the first treatment Bob received that she had missed and she wasn't feeling too good about that happening. However, we had convinced her that it was better to stay in Toronto an extra day and wait out this storm. With Anna back in Temagami, Joe and I prepared to come home on Saturday morning.

After packing and breakfast at the Busy Bee restaurant, we set out fully expecting to run into the next storm coming through as we had checked out the Weather Network. Various accumulations of new snow was forecast for locales between Temagami and Peterborough. We did experience wet snow and lots of slop and slush from oncoming vehicles but, all in all, the drive was uneventful and we arrived home to a driveway with a good 12" of snow in it and the only tracks in the snow were those of our 17 resident wild turkeys. As I write this, we are not completely dug out. I cleared the decks and one is covered again with snow that has slid off the roof. Joe still has a lot of driveway clearing to do with the snow blower. The car did not get into the garage tonight. This will still be there in the morning and we will tackle it with renewed energy.

Back in the cancer trenches

2008-02-07T18:29:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I felt great. Top of my game. Today, not so much.

Mom and Dad arrived yesterday afternoon. (Remember, Anna's been down in Toronto for a week now.) I had enough time to say 'hello' to them before I had to be off to North Bay. Had to pick up my car after some brake work (unexpected repairs, hefty bill). Then I went to Station 1 for a little workout:

Push Jerk 3-3-3-3-3 (55 lbs/95/115/125/135)

Last night was the monthly union meeting. I wanted to say a personal thank you to my union brothers for supporting me and my family with trade days, bank time, well wishes, and carrying the load when it became too much of a burden for me. Everyone who knows me knows that I am pretty independent and I like to do things myself. I don't like to ask for help. I guess a lot of firefighters are like that, so they recognized that in me and offered their assistance without me having to ask. So I wanted to say thanks. I also wanted to thank them for their generous donations to the Ride to Conquer Cancer. We set a target of $800. At last count, it was $795 with some money still to come in. That money will go a long way toward helping Lisa and Jodie meet their overall target of $5700. (I think they can surpass that, too.)

Made it home by 9:30ish, but didn't turn the lights out until after 11:00. Then I was up at 3:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. Why is it that when your alarm goes off at 6:00, after tossing and turning for three hours, suddenly you pass out stone cold? Maybe next time I'll set my alarm for the middle of the night so I can get some good shut eye during the 'snooze'.

Prednisone pills, breakfast, then three of us piled into the car. Blood work was good (white blood cells could be a touch higher), and then I was comfy in my chemo chair for the next seven hours. Lynn was busy as always, juggling two of us in there for the day, two others for a half day, and other drop-ins getting ports flushed and the like. I keep telling her to wear a pedometre and tell me how many steps she does a day. Way over 10 thousand, I'm sure.

I napped through most of the day. The more chemos under my belt, the longer the naps become. Last time I napped for half the day, this time I had a good nap in the morning and a good one late in the day. You know, when you count up all the drugs that have gone into me today..... prednisone, tylenol, benedryl, rituximab, granisitron (sounds like one of the Transformers, not an anti-nauseant), vincristine, doxorubicin (the Red Devil), and cyclophosphamide..... Eight drugs, coursing through my veins. No wonder I feel toxic right now. I feel pale, green. I am sleepy. Time to brush my teeth and go to bed.

Not bad for someone who had absolutely no clue what I'd be writing when I sat down to this post.

Life is too short

2008-02-06T11:10:00.000-05:00

Found this on the Canadian Canoe Routes forum. I added #40:

Here's 41 Tips for a Powerful New Year !

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. Buy a Tivo (DVR), tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to___________ today.'

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy.

6. Watch more movies, play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.

7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, tai chi, qigong and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less foods that are manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear your clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new flowing energy into your life.

14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Forgive everyone everything.

28. What other people think of you is none of your business.

29. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.
Your friends will. Stay in touch.

32. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

33. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

34. The best is yet to come.

35. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

36. Do the right thing!

37. Call your mother and father often.

38. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: 'I am thankful for__________.' Today I accomplished_________.

39. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

40. Life is too short to drink bad coffee.

41. Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride

Humble Pie

2008-02-04T17:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, ok, so New England tanked. Personally, I blame myself for their loss. Guaranteed, if I had backed the 'underdog' New York Giants, the Pats would've won. It seems I always end up on the losing side. Except for what really counts, the Super Bowl of Cancer.

On the positive side, fundraising efforts amongst the North Bay Firefighters are going well. I won't release any dollar amounts at this time, but I will say that we're on track to surpass the $800 we hoped to raise from them. That will go a long way toward the goal of $5700 that Lisa and Jodie have set for themselves. Jodie is a fundraising machine, with numerous events planned in the Peterborough area. She's passed the $1700 mark, and that's before any of the fundraising events! Lisa has not let her late start hold her back, with almost $1000 in the pot. Thanks to everyone that's made a donation so far! I do truly hope that some of you blog readers, whether you live in North Bay or St. Catherines or further afield, will make it to the Buddy Wasisname and the Other Fellers concert on May 9 & 10 in Peterborough. Tickets are going fast, and are available through Jodie. Contact her through her webpage. She is a personal trainer and runs a business called Your Body You in Lakefield.

There's also some media interest in North Bay. Everyone loves a story about, "a firefighter who's in a courageous battle for his life," even if that's a little cliched. I hope to use any story to further the fundraising and get a little good press for the firefighters.

I've not been posting my workouts here as often as I should've. I'm doing a 'workout lite' week, to recover from last week's sore back. Today was backsquat 3-3-3-3-3 (95 lbs/115/135/155/165). That's 2/3 of my max. effort backsquat of 245 lbs.

You can leave your hat on

2008-02-02T09:08:00.000-05:00

Not much to report today. I'm working nights. Anna's in Toronto this week. I've been hard at work lately on local environmental issues, preparing comments for the upcoming Forestry Plan. Trying to rest my back after wrenching it two days ago. Probably take the dog for a walk soon, and do some light stretching. Maybe a light workout when I get to work tonight.

Oh, I know what I can mention.... Some guys at work are planning a North Bay Fire Department 2009 Calendar. They want me in it. So I'll try out that little 'poll' option that Blogger gives me. Let me know, do you think I should be in the Firefighter's Calendar? Answer in the poll to the right. (It's all for a good cause, to support a new Children's Treatment Centre.)

(Cue "The Full Monty" soundtrack.)

PS Go Pats!

Sauna stove has arrived

2008-01-31T13:52:00.000-05:00

There's no turning back now! Anna picked up our new sauna stove in Toronto last week. It's relatively small (easily fit in the back of our Forester) but heavy. It's an external feeding stove, which means all the bark and woody debris will stay outside. There's a heat shield around the stove, and a spot on the top to place rocks, so this will be a wet sauna. The structure will not be going up imminently, we're still waiting to get together with one of the guys from work to go over plans.

Went on a nice ski yesterday, in a howling winter storm, on the Jesse Lake ski trails. It's nice to see them in such good shape.

I keep getting sent more names to write on my hand during my next workout.

Thinking of others

2008-01-27T18:48:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I met (online) a gentleman asking for help for his mother and aunt, both currently in a battle with cancer. He also lost his father-in-law to cancer last year. This guy is a Crossfitter, like myself. We stick together, kinda like firefighters. So I told him that I would write three names on my hand during today's workout, those of his family, Edith, Lillian, and Dennis. And so, I dedicated today's workout, an 8 km cross country ski, to them.

I also found out something new about a friend of ours, who has indolent lymphoma. (I won't post his name, to protect his privacy.) Anyway, he is going in for some tests tomorrow, which he is rather worried about. I guess I'll be writing his name on my hand for Tuesday's workout. Tomorrow I rest.

Awhile back, someone (a stranger) wrote my name on his hand and dedicated a workout to me. The way that Crossfitters do workouts, I know that he would have given it his all. I like that support, and am only too happy to pass it on. Just a little illustration of how one small good deed goes out into the world and multiplies.

Dirty confession

2008-01-26T19:30:00.000-05:00

I have a shameful secret to reveal. I hope you won't all be disappointed in me. So far in this blog I've unintentionally written only of the positive, with perhaps a smattering of expected difficulties. But I must admit that I'm not always so cheery. I'm not always having a better day than yesterday. I get frustrated, I get angry, I get impatient. Sometimes I think I must be the most miserable person for Anna to have to spend her time with. I don't write on those days. The last few days have been like that. It's coincided with a resurgence of symptoms--night sweats (the first since chemo started), as well as 'that feeling' in my neck. Something is there doing something. I think my cancer is mad at me. Of course, I'm mad at it and there's no stopping my resolve to be rid of the damn thing.

You've probably guessed that, seen as I am writing, today must be a good day. And it has been. My workouts over the last two days have gone well, with some personal records and sore muscles to prove it. I just finished four days of work and am looking forward to a grand sleep in tomorrow. I might ski in to Reuben Lake again tomorrow, but this time it'll be an all day affair, with a good long lunch and a roaring campfire built in.

15 km ski this afternoon

2008-01-22T20:20:00.000-05:00

And boy am I tired. I hope you enjoy these photos. My back bacon-scallop-veggie stir fry is digesting, and I'm off to a warm bath. Off to work early tomorrow too.

Snowsquall on Rabbit Lake.

Nikita between the islands on Reuben Lake.

Cliffs on Reuben Lake.

Reuben-Paul Lake portage (left), Goulard Lumber road (right)

Long shadows on Paul Lake.

Cliffs on Paul Lake.

First tracks on Paul Lake.

Icefall on Paul Lake.

And sunset on Reuben. (No photos from the 2 hour ski back to the car in the dark!)