Thank God for my benefit plan

Left home yesterday in loads of time to get to the hospital a little bit early. Anna had left my car at the gas station, so I walked down there to pick it up. Minus 30ish overnight. Locks on the car were frozen. Walked back home to pick up some lock de-icer. Walked back to the gas station, de-iced the locks, climbed in and drove off, only somewhat late now. Got to the hospital, and into the lab. Waited long enough that the receptionist apologized, saying that she hadn't, "done one of these before." Then off to the oncology room to wait for the results to come in.

It took a good while for the results, and I was starting to get antsy about my timing. Usually if I get to the lab by 8:30, I can get out of the hospital by 4:30. I was a good hour late by this time. Finally the blood test results came in, and they weren't good. My white blood cell and absolute neutrophil counts are low. Lynn tells me though that this is good news, it means that Dr. Herst has me on just the right dose of chemo. If my counts had bottomed out in the first few rounds, that would indicate too high a dose. If they hadn't bottomed out at all, that might indicate too low a dose. So she seems to think that my cancer is having its ass kicked, to which I concur. However, she'd have to call Sudbury to get permission to continue with the treatment.

It took another half hour to get the answer back from Dr. Herst--go ahead with the treatment, but come back in tomorrow for an injection to boost my blood counts. Good news, and time to start the treatment. Not so fast....

Now I had to call my insurance company to make sure they would cover the injection, which apparently is quite expensive. After some backing-and-forthing we found out that the drug is only covered if I give it to myself--not if it's administered in a hospital. Well, for that kind of money, I can surely give myself a shot! I'll have to get a dose of this after each treatment from now on.

Now it was time to start my chemo, at 11:00! I was sure I wouldn't get out before 6.

The treatments went smoothly. My chemo-buddy was there, but he was well ahead of me. I snoozed through lunch due to the Benadryl. After lunch I had a visitor from Temagami, a friend who's wife is dying of cancer. She's in palliative care in another wing of the hospital. I'm glad he dropped in for a chat. Also looked like he needed to get out of her room for a bit, remove himself from that experience for a few moments.

Dr. Pariag came in for a visit in the afternoon. We chatted about my insomnia, and he convinced me to go home with a prescription for a sedative. I picked those pills up today, but am hoping to not have to use them. I've found that curling up to a heating pad puts me right to sleep when I start staring at the ceiling at 3 am.

Lynn did get me out of there by 4:30, I don't know how she did it but it wasn't by running my IVs wide open.

Of course, Anna's in Toronto and doesn't at all like me being alone on chemo days, let alone driving myself home. So she arranged for her friends Jayne and Leslie to carpool me home. Lynn got a chuckle of that, me being picked up by two women while my wife's away in another town! So they brought me home, made me some tea and sought assurances that I wouldn't get up to be a Busy Bob after they left. After finishing the tea it was a simple dinner and off to bed by 9. I had one of the best sleeps I've had in awhile, right through to 7:30, with the exception of an hour of tossing and turning, solved by the aforementioned heating pad.

This morning was spent in household chores. Our neighbour Erin (with the 15-month old twins) called to say she was going up to New Liskeard for some errands, did I want to carpool? Of course I did, so Erin and I were off to the north, with the girls in the back seat for their afternoon nap. Picked up my injection ($2,800!) and headed back to have Lynn instruct me in its use. I asked her, what would happen if someone needed this drug but did not have it covered by insurance? She said that they would get it, eventually, perhaps in a month after having gone through a lot of paperwork. To me, that's not right. If someone needs the drugs today, they should get them today, not in a month!

Lynn monitored me for an hour afterward, to make sure there would be no adverse reaction. All was fine, so we headed south again. Since returning I've simply been futzing away the afternoon. Am hoping for another great night's sleep.

Chemo #6 tomorrow

This time tomorrow I'll be 3/4 done! But I NEED to get a good night's sleep. It's 9:00 now, and my pumpkin-hour has arrived. Off to bed, and up at 6 tomorrow to take my prednisone and head off to the hospital. I'm considering an early morning workout at the New Liskeard Fitness Centre. You know, get the blood flowing, open the veins, ready for my life saving drugs. Anna's getting on the Toronto bus tonight, and will not be with me tomorrow. She's not comfortable with that, but it's for the greater good. She's set me up with her friends Jayne and Leslie, who will drive me home tomorrow evening and make sure I'm comfortable.

Send me kind throughts and prayers tomorrow!

Those who have come before

I talked with Jodie earlier tonight and promised I would not stay up too late, but that I would post something. So I've got some photos from the recent trip to Toronto. I happened to walk past Princess Margaret Hospital (Ontario's 'premier' cancer hospital), and had Anna take this photo. Ever the Canadian patriot, I even have a flag planted on top of my shiny dome.



Then I walked north a block to Queen's Park (Ontario's Legislature, for my 'foreign' readers). On the grounds of this majestic building is the Ontario Fallen Firefighters' Memorial. On the Memorial are the names of 344 Ontario firefighters who have given their lives in the line of duty.



On that list, near the bottom of the last panel I searched, is the name of the only North Bay firefighter to give his life protecting the good people here, Platoon Chief Guy Cantin. Now I did not work with Guy, but many of my colleagues did, and every one of them has good stories to tell. (Sometimes I think a fire department is simply a collection of stories about those who have come before.) At Station One we have a painting, showing a bunker gear locker, empty of firefighter's clothing but for Guy's coat and boots. The painting hangs at the top of the stairs between the kitchen and the apparatus floor. Each time we get a call, we pass it. To me, the painting says, 'Guy is watching out for us.' That is, after all, the primary responsibility of a PC--make sure everyone goes home.

My current Platoon Chief, Richard Woodward, was a good friend of Guy's. Woody watched Guy die of cancer.

Woody's been great to me over the last few months, watching out for me like a guardian angel. I know he'd do it for any one who needs a helping hand, that's just the kind of man he is. So Woody, thank you. We're here for you, too.



Here's an article from the BBC which provides a good synopsis of the increased rates of cancer among firefighters.

Staring at the ceiling

Aline, my mystical healer, told me to get more rest. So here I am at 1:15 am, awake. I was in bed earlier, but couldn't stop staring at the ceiling. It's getting pretty common for me to go to sleep between 1 and 3 am, and not get up until 10 or 11. I'm fortunate that I'm able to do that on my four days off. But when I'm at work my sleep gets completely messed up and I finish the 4 days on completely drained.

Aline also said she felt in me the urge to travel. So I told her about the Makobe River trip planned for May. That's keeping me going, my motivation to stay healthy and come out the other end of chemo better than ever. Like Nietzsche said, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

All that said, I'm ready for chemo to be over. Been there, done that. Once chemo has done it's job, I'll say thank you very much, move on and won't look back.

I did enter some dietary information on FitDay yesterday, you can see it here. (Aline also asked me if I was losing weight, not something a 145 lb. athlete on chemotherapy wants to hear.) I must admit that recently I've been eating two big meals a day, breakfast (at noon) and dinner (at 6), plus some snacking in the afternoon or evening. But I was surprised to see that yesterday I only took in 2000 calories. Someone like me "should" eat 2500 a day. Carbs could have been lower, clocked in at 127 g for the day, much less than our society's 300-600 g/day average, but still more than I'd like. Was doing quite well (liver, eggs, and spinach for breakfast; pork roast and brasicas for dinner) until the big evening bowl of oatmeal and the ricecakes with hazelnut butter. Hey, at least I sprinkled the oats with ground flax, hemp seeds, and cinnamon!

Yesterday's exercise was a 4 km snowshoe, including a 2 km bushwhack, playing with my new GPS. For those of you who have never bushwhacked in the north woods in February before, well, lets just say it's an activity requiring safety eyewear. Just ask the one-eyed timber cruiser at Goulard Lumber. Good exercise, though!

Must be close to bedtime.

Sunlight and naps

This is our cat Smudge lying in a patch of warm sun in front of the bedroom door. I like to think that she is guarding Bob's sleep. He has just come home from 4 nights of working and went to bed at 9am. I am working, so we put the housecoat under the door to block the sounds.

Bob hasn't posted in a few days so I thought I would. Things have been good. Though this is the cycle that Bob's white cells were lowest, he is still doing well. A few days ago he came home and I was still snoozing. He said he wasn't going to nap, but lay down and as we were talking, he was fading. I suggested he needed his sleep. He got up 4 hours later.

Today he has a massage treatment with Aline which he is very much looking forward to. The debate this morning was to go for a sauna before or after. I suggested that either was good and that his body could decide based on when he got up. He's not up yet, so it looks like after!

I missed my appointment with Aline a few weeks ago due to freezing rain - nooooo!!!! (I REALLY wanted to go). Fortunately she had a cancellation yesterday and I was able to take it! Ahhhhh....

Dave called today and is on a run across the country. He'll be stopping by - it looks like we'll have dinner with him in New Liskeard. We will be exchanging Christmas presents - we didn't get a chance to see them sooner as Dave's last run up this way didn't happen.

It has been beautiful weather here and we have another sunny sunny day with blue sky and cold crisp temperatures! I don't think there will be any skiing or a workout for Bob today, just massage and sauna and hopefully dinner with Dave!
Here is another shot of Smudge hanging out with Bob after this last round of chemo.

Thank you all for all of your support. It means SO much to us!

No title today

It's been a good few days, since I got off the prednisone. Seems that as my treatments progress, the side effects increase. One of my toenails is even turning black, which is a side effect of doxorubicin. (I can't even type that word without shuddering. But the Red Devil is my ally. A ruthless mercenary, who would kill me as soon as kill my cancer, but my ally nonetheless.) I'm trying to focus on the two healthy weeks ahead, rather than the three treatments still to come. Keeping eye on ball....

I've not been following my healthy-living ideals in the last week. In the days right after chemo I skiied every afternoon. Since going off prednisone I've been a blob at home, a busy blob, up to my eyeballs as a desk-jockey ecowarrior. No daily workouts. And I've not been eating like a caveman--too many carbs, not enough balance. I'm going back to work tomorrow evening, and that will give me a chance to reenter a healthier routine. I'll do some kind of workout and I'll eat well. Somehow it's quite easy for me to stay on-track at work.

Hebe, your care package arrived, thank you so much. The tea had exploded, but everything else was intact. I find I cannot appreciate the poems without reading them aloud, so I stand in sockfeet, by my stove, late at night, with only one light on in the house, and read. I've copied one poem into the sidebar, and I encourage everyone to read it aloud. Read it to yourself, or to a friend. Read it in the sunlight or by flashlight. Read it naked or clothed, I don't care, just read it aloud.

Be kind. Everyone you see is fighting a great battle

I just wanted to put down something in writing to say thank you to all those who comment here. If everyone is in a great battle (as Philo of Alexandria said, and "Anonymous" reminded me) then all these people are brothers and sisters in arms.

Let me start with Patricia from Nashville, whose comment got me thinking about all those who have left their kind words here on NFB. Patricia, we're in this together. Next workout, your name's written on my hand. Stay in touch.

Mom & Dad, Jodie, Sarah, Jane, Lisa & Yves, Lisa.... I know you're the ones out there reading this nearly every day (or sometimes many times a day!). Thank you so much. It means the world to me. Jodie, Sarah, and Lisa B., you three would love each other. And Jane, I got the GF booklet, thanks!

Beth: Sorry, but you can't actually pre-order a calendar. Of course I'll put the info up here as soon as it's available, probably late in the year.

To all the CFers out there: Gio, Adam and Caity, C_Mel, Charles, Wilson, Rocco, Matt, Mike L., Paul, StrengthDoc, Adam K., 1000yds, U'i. I know my name has been written on your hands, sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively, and I take strength from that. You all have much to give and I give thanks in return.

Morgan and Salima: truer healing words are rarely spoken.

Hebe, Pam, Teri, David & Priya, Chris & Marie, Larry & Roula, Peter & Leslie, Ed, Sara, Rob L., Kim, Marianne, Tracey, Wanda, Jen M., Maria, "The Other Jean", Bronwen, Pete/Lree/Ben, Jamey, Nico, Jason, Robb, Dave. Thank you all. Roberta, thank you for Churchill's immortal, inspirational words. Here they are again, in case anyone missed them.