Changes

Posted by Anna

Friday October 19, 10:30 am our world changed forever. The doctors office called and asked where Bob was. I said away, but they kept asking. I finally asked them if it was about the results and the next thing I know I am talking to the doctor himself. He called Bob at the WMA conference and I found out the details a few hours later. That few hours was terrible. The day and a half until I saw Bob was terrible, though very good friends spent the night and next day with me.
It was SO good to see Bob that night!
We have been spending a lot of time together researching and making appointments, calling family and friends...
We are in a void - we know he has B-cell lymphoma, but we don't know what that means in terms of treatment. Tomorrow we will know.
Bob is being SO positive and optimistic. It is truly amazing.
Tomorrow we will know more.
We have spent so much time in limbo this year. It has been a truly challenging year of waiting and not knowing and false starts with 2 miscarriages and the house.
I am looking forward to knowing more tomorrow...
I know we can do this together. This year has already made us stronger and this will make us stronger yet.

Oncology consultations tomorrow

Tomorrow Anna and I make the two hour drive to the Sudbury Regional Cancer Centre. I imagine we'll get pretty used to that drive over the next few months. We spent the afternoon on the phone, setting up appointments with a radiation oncologist and a chemotherapy oncologist, as well as two at the Mount Sinai Hospital oncological fertility centre in Toronto. (I have to make a few 'donations' this weekend to make sure we have a supply of sperm should mine get zapped by whatever treatments I decide to pursue.) Also went to see my NP, who helped me go over the last few years of medical records, looking for anything pertinent that I should take tomorrow. Word has now spread across the North Bay Fire Dept, so I've got 83 more people behind me. They're great, the offers of support and encouragement have been uplifting.

After all that I knew I had to do my workout. Didn't find anything recent on CrossFit that I could do in my jungle gym, so I made up a workout:

5 rounds for time:
400 m run
6 ring dips
9 pullups

16:01

Towards the fourth round I started feeling that familiar bloating in my stomach. It feels like I've drunk too much water and now it's sloshing around. But that's not what it is, it's something to do with my cancer, I know it. That's been my main symptom so far, gastro upset, loose stools, and gas, far more constant than usual.

I hope to publish my FitDay account soon. I plan to have both my workouts and my diet posted so that people can follow my progress over the next few months.

We're going to beat this

Seems like I spent the day talking on the phone. Told my mom. She was in shock for the first 10 minutes and cried for the last 5. Told my brother, my sister, my former paramedic partner, and a few others. In the evening, it was people calling us. Anna's friend Tammy, who fought off Hodgkins and now has a baby boy. My friends Caity and Adam. Adam fought off leukemia two years ago in an epic battle that is detailed on his blog Caity and Adam's Webpage. Now they have three little girls, the twins Ara and Kayla (born just before Adam's most aggressive treatments started), and Addison (born yesterday). Can't wait for the pictures. After talking with Adam for a few minutes, he said, "You're going into this with the best attitude. I'm not even going to worry about you anymore.

Diet

Breakfast: 1 c. steel cut oats, 1 c. egg whites + 1 egg omelette fried in olive oil, licorice tea
1st lunch: 1 scoop Vega powder in water
2nd lunch: chicken thigh, 3 artichoke hearts, 1 apple, green tea
Dinner: chicken fingers breaded with almond and spelt flour, leafy
vegetables, mushrooms, and zucchini sauteed in oil, rooibos tea
Evening snack: oats, spelt, flax, sunflower seeds, cranberries with hemp milk and hemp oil
(Plus my usual cocktail of vitamins, probiotics, enzymes, and fish oil.)

Workout

Fran 4:03 (21-15-9 50# thrusters and pullups)

(Adam also told me, "You do Crossfit. You're going to kick cancer's butt!")

The long drive home

A fourteen hour drive from Wisconsin to Temagami gives you lots of time to mull things over. Here's me on the shores of Lake Superior, on Michigan's Upper Peninsula.

One of the best days of my life

Today was one of the best days of my life. October 19, 2007. Almost three weeks past my 33rd birthday. I spent it in Wisconsin, far from where I live in Temagami, Ontario. A cold, rainy October day, with wet oak leaves plastered to the ground. Big drops of water dropping from the pines, down the back of my neck, reminding me that I'm alive. Why was today wonderful? I spent the day with people I love, doing what we love. We spent the day together, learning about a shared passion (wilderness medicine). After that, five of us went for a run through the woods by a nearby lake. Someplace I'd never been before, which is always the best place to go for a run. There were deer in the woods, we saw their white tails in the distance. Amazing dinner, breaded pickerel with a juicy delicious orange for desert. Then, yes, a night of revelry. Einar's dried cod and Icelandic schnapps, Ann's Wisconsin cheese curds, and Edmund Fitzgerald Porter, brewed in Cleveland. Silly pictures of me and Becca, good talks with with Mike and Cabot and Tara and Jeff and Gabe and many more. I went to bed at 2, but couldn't sleep, the day was so good. I couldn't close my eyes, so here I am typing this to you at 3 am.

Today is the day I found out I have cancer.

Already I've learned so much.

I've learned I don't have to be afraid to say what needs to be said, just say it. Cabot says that's balls. I don't think it's balls, it's doing what needs to be done, even if that's scary. I learned that raindrops keep falling on your head to remind you that you're alive and that that is wonderful. I learned that there really is beauty in the small things, mist on the lake. I learned that I have what it takes. I really didn't know that before. I learned that my WMA friends, even though I don't know most of them terribly well, are the most wonderful friends ever. That must mean that all my other friends, the ones I've actually known for a few years, must be out-of-this-world wondeful. I can't wait to see them again, the guys at the fire department, the girls from Guelph. Not to mention Anna, the most wonderful woman in the world.

Yes, today is the most wonderful day in my life, so far. Today, after 33 years, I learned that I'm alive.

Wolf Lake Gathering Group Photo

Breeze Lake Canoe Route Map