My life is a dichotomy. Outwardly (and mostly inwardly) I'm happy. I feel great. I have the most wonderful son and the most wonderful wife. I'm doing things I've always wanted to do. I love my job. I love riding my bike. (I've crossed the $2000 line in my fundraising for the Ride to Conquer Cancer?!)
But on the other side is this nagging two week wait between when Dr. Herst told me I have elevated liver enzymes and when I find out what it all means. At least when I first got my diagnosis it was very sudden. I honestly had not been expecting to hear that I have cancer. But this waiting.... I honestly don't know what to expect. I feel great, but I felt great the day I got my original diagnosis too.
This week I've had another CT scan. Next week it's more blood tests. Then the day after I go see Dr. Herst. He'll either tell me that the cancer has spread or that the elevated enzymes are due to some other factor. I've got so much weird shit going on that I'd make a fascinating case study for House. Cancer. Possibly celiac. Possibly a primary immuno-deficiency disorder. Yet outwardly I look strong and healthy, in the prime of my life. Who can understand it?