Saturday, January 26, 2008

Dirty confession

I have a shameful secret to reveal. I hope you won't all be disappointed in me. So far in this blog I've unintentionally written only of the positive, with perhaps a smattering of expected difficulties. But I must admit that I'm not always so cheery. I'm not always having a better day than yesterday. I get frustrated, I get angry, I get impatient. Sometimes I think I must be the most miserable person for Anna to have to spend her time with. I don't write on those days. The last few days have been like that. It's coincided with a resurgence of symptoms--night sweats (the first since chemo started), as well as 'that feeling' in my neck. Something is there doing something. I think my cancer is mad at me. Of course, I'm mad at it and there's no stopping my resolve to be rid of the damn thing.

You've probably guessed that, seen as I am writing, today must be a good day. And it has been. My workouts over the last two days have gone well, with some personal records and sore muscles to prove it. I just finished four days of work and am looking forward to a grand sleep in tomorrow. I might ski in to Reuben Lake again tomorrow, but this time it'll be an all day affair, with a good long lunch and a roaring campfire built in.


Anonymous said...


It is completely understandable that you have days when you are pissed off and feel like crap. You are both doing an amazing job at fighting this cancer and being positive and, as much inspiration as many of us take from you, I'm sure your family and friends are ready to hear some of the nastier stuff, too.

Your cancer not doubt is realizing it picked the wrong guy to mess with, and this is why it is mad at you.

Sarah L.

Anonymous said...

When you started this blog you said to read it with anticipation and be prepared for everything... not bars held. This is for you to remember the good and the bad.... we are here to support you through both... if you are having a bad day... remember it however you like, whether it be for your friends and family to give you support or whether it be in your own private journal. You need to remember the bad so that if it gets worse or better you have a guage...
Love ya! Thinking of you all the time! Keep up the fight. I agree that cancer definately picked the wrong guy to mess with!

Anonymous said...

When you look at the number of blog postings vs the number of days since your diagnosis, you are having 'way more good days than bad days. The way you are handling this situation is truly unbelievable. The bad days make the good days very worthwhile and you will treasure them even more.

Always thinking of you with love,